She's Cheating on Me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and i have been dating a little over 3 months now and things have been almost perfect. The problem is that in the back of my mind I think she is cheating on me.

Before she was with me her and this guy R were kind of dating. Come to find just a week ago that they had messed around. That really doesn't bother me but today i was sending a message to a friend with her phone and when i was done i checked her outbox messages. When I did I saw three messages sent to this guy R. They all started with hey hunny or hey babe and all ended with luv u. One of them even said come by at 11:15.

We have a rule that if we are by ourselves no one of the opposite sex can come in our rooms, we have different apartments. I don't know if I am just being wierd or if maybe I should bring it up. If anyone has any advice please share. Advice
It would be relatively normal for her to stay friends with her ex, and maybe even to use pet names like hun and bunnie and such. That's often a way for best friends to show they care, and it would be good if they stayed best friends.

But on the other hand, if you guys have an agreement to keep your rooms opposite-sex free, and she's inviting him over, that's pretty much a betrayal right there. Why is she doing it and hiding it from you? If he WAS just a friend she would have told you about it or had him over when you were there. Why does she feel she has to hide it?

Relationships are built on trust and she is actively breaking it. If she can't even tell you about something "harmless" about this guy coming over (assuming it is for an innocent visit) how could you possibly trust her to tell you about something more serious? It sort of proves that she would NOT tell you if she was cheating and that she doesn't mind breaking the rules she agreed to.

So I would most definitely bring it up and also have a serious talk with her about this guy. Honesty and communication are the foundations of a relationship that lasts. If you are always going to be doubting her, it is going to water-torture you into breaking up with her.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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