He's a Widower and Angry with the World
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I have been good friends with an older guy for several years now.He is a widower and is having a hard time adjusting to his wife's death.I care for him very much and try to help him whenever I can.He has told me that he cares for me too,but,is afraid to get too close to me because of various reasons such as his health and financial problems.
His kids and grandkids don't visit him much and he feels abandoned.He has hurt me before because he got drunk and said some very cruel things to me.We have since made up.I do love him,but,I don't want to get hurt again.
I was good friends with his wife and she told me that he could be a hard person to handle and that he has hurt people through the years.I believe in forgiveness,but,at the same time,don't want to end up hurt like before.I promised his wife before she died that I would watch out for him and be his friend because she told me that he would end up a lonely,old man.What should I do? Please help!!
On one hand it's nice that you're trying to help him. On the other hand, he has to be responsible for how he deals socially with other people. You can't "fix" him. You shouldn't let yourself be abused - emotionally or otherwise - because he is antisocial.
Maybe you can find a minister or therapist or someone else to help him learn how to be more social. It's something he needs to want to do. Certainly it sounds like he WANTS to spend more time with his family and others. He's the one who has to start taking steps to be more socially open. You can't force someone to do that. And you shouldn't have to be yelled at or treated poorly in order to "save him from himself".
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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