Advice for Better Dating

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
What is the best advice on how to go about dating and relationships for someone whom has little experience,and wishes to gain more. Is there a special method to picking up women or what. I ask this because i find that when it comes to the ones that i like or am attracted to, it seems difficult, but when its those that i am not attracted to, its easy,which really makes no sense because its not as if i want the unattractive ones.

What steps can i take to be more successful in the dating aspect of life because i feel my self confidence in my ability to get women is low and i need some help. What can i do. Advice
The entire site is *full* of dating advice, from suggestions for dates to suggestions for things to talk about and much more :)

It actually makes complete sense that you are having an easy time talking with women you're not attracted to. It's because you're not all stressed out and worried about what they think and how you're doing. You're just being *yourself*. As soon as you run into a woman that you see as a "potential target", now your brain thinks it has to be different. It thinks you have to show off and act differently. Since pretending to be someone you're not is difficult, this makes the whole situation tense.

So it's all in your brain :) If you would just talk to these "targets" the exact same way you talk to the "non targets", they'd probably react better to you - because few people want to date someone that's fake. And you'd be more comfortable because you were being yourself and not trying to maintain some sort of pretense.

Also, really look at what you're being attracted by. Is it really what the woman is like? Or is it just their physical body? You say "it's not as if I want the unattractive ones." So your whole method of rating a woman is based on her body? If so, you might want to take a closer look at the women you *can* talk to and have fun with. The most important thing in a relationship is the ability to talk about *anything* and enjoy each other, without pretense. You may think that pretty face and big bust are important. But believe me, if you date the model and she is nasty to you, and flirts with other guys while you're out with her, and demands you act like her servant, you will dislike her rather quickly. And she'll actually start to look ugly. If you date an 'ok' looking woman and find how caring and gentle she is, she will begin to look beautiful to you. Beauty is all dependent on your brain - and your brain judges is based on the signals it gets.

If the women you talk to easily and enjoy being with aren't "beauty models", but you are very comfortable with them, you might want to readjust what you feel is important in a woman. If you're passing by these women that you can talk with, because you want to force yourself to learn to talk to the beauty models, it would seem to me that you're concentrating on the wrong thing. You already have women that you enjoy talking to and being with, and you're deliberately putting them aside because you'd rather figure out how to talk to a model. You may find, even if you become comfortable talking to the beauty model, that you're disappointed when you get talking to them. Beauty fades, but the person beneath is forever. What will you do in 10 years when that model has a sagging body and a nasty personality? Trade her in for a new one?

Anyway, read through the site, there's really a lot of information in there about ways of becoming more comfortable talking to women and flirting. But please also read the pages on what is really important in a relationship.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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