From Friends to Lovers
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
i have known this girl for a couple of years now. when we first met we liked each other very much so we got into a relationship. we broke up a few months later and didnt speak to each other for a few months. one day she called me up to see how i was and from that day on we started seeing each other more often. it came to the point that we see each other 3 4 times a week . we go to nice restaurants we go to the movies we share everything together now. the thing is that in all this time she has become my best freind and i fell in love with the person that she is. i know that she wants somethind more also but we have spoken about it and she says that she is not ready for a relationship right now and if we were to start something together it would change us for the worst. i don't think i could go on seeing her at this point because the more i see her the more i want to be with her and im scared that one day she might meet someone she wants to get to know and it will crush me. so if you could help me i woud appreciate it very much
Her fear is a common one between friends, and because you already had a relationship and broke up it is even stronger in her mind. She doesn't want to lose the friendship and doesn't want to be hurt again. But I know many, many couples in your exact same situation that did get together again and were completely happy and got married.
So it's all in her mind, and it's that fear that you have to work through. It sounds like, if she's still afraid, that you guys never found closure from your first relationship. So work that through. Talk about the relationship, and what went wrong with it, and the things that caused trouble. Be out in the open with it. And then discuss those things and how you will both address them together.
When you have that all resolved, then you have your current relationship, which is great and talk-involving. Which is the core for any good relationship. Be able to admit to each other that you care deeply for each other now, already. And that what you're talking about doing is not diving head-first into living together, but just reintroducing the romance back in slowly. Just hugging and kissing, nothing more. You already care for each other, you're already spending tons of time together. So now you're great friends who will hug (which you probably already do anyway) and kiss. If she sees that it's really not that much of a change, and if she is fully comfortable with your discussions about the past relationship and its closure, this shouldn't be a big step any more. And then see how it goes!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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