Our Long Distance Turned into a Break
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My situation is quite confusing. My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years now. She attends a different university, which is a good distance away from me. We would see each other we could. We have been very devoted to eachother.
However, this school year, she wanted to take a "break". She felt that our relationship can't stay as intense due to the increasing school work plus the distance factor. Her supposed goal was to find out if she truly loved me, because I am her first boyfriend. I thought if thats what she needs to do, I suppose it alright. I also thought I can't really stop her from taking a "break".
Over this winter break we hung out together and went out on dates. It was a good time. Everything seemed fine, however we didn't get involved physically with eachother due to our parents' shadow. We had some miscommunication about when we should make our "moves". We kinda ended up separating on bitter terms we went back to school. I told her "I wasn't happy with our relationship" and that we need to do something about it. Since we were already kind of on a "break", we kinda broke off, however I still have really strong feelings for her.
Now, she is living in Philadelphia, which is even further away. Also now, we are hardly talking. I use to write her letters regularly but I never get a response. I would send emails but again no reponse. She doesn't IM either.
My dilema is that I love her, and I do want to marry her. I believe I mentioned once over a phone conversation during the "break" period that I had feelings of marriage. I'm wondering if she might be scared to commit and is running away. We well be seeing eachother face-to-face in a few more months. I'm just hoping for advice you might be able to give me.
Long distance relationships are always rough. THey only work if both people are fully committed to each other and dedicated to making things work. The moment she began taking a break, she began putting distance between you. As you can see, that break grew into a giant chasm.
It's a sad fact of life that many people grow apart during college years. We grow, we mature, we change, and it's very rare that two people will do those things in exactly the same direction. What we used to like, we no longer like. That tends to include relationships.
There's no way you can say to someone you haven't seen in months that "I want to marry you" given how much you both have changed. If anything you can say "I want to date you again" to rebuild your relationship. You can't marry someone that you can't even talk to! Start with working up your friendship again. That is the realistic goal. Don't wait a few months to work on that, either.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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