Friends with Benefits

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
me and my guy friend has been friends for a long time. just recently we have become intimate and i really like him i even love him.

he tells his friends that he likes me and he wants to be with me however he doesn't want a relationship. our friendship is great but i do not want to have friends with benefits.

why doesn't he talk to me? please tell me what i should do. Advice
He says he doesn't want a relationship - but he HAS a relationship with you! You guys are great friends. Not only that, but he HAS a sexual relationship with you too! Just who is he fooling here? What does he think he does NOT have yet, besides a title? Is he really saying that a title is more important or valid than what you guys are actually doing with your lives together?

It sounds like what he doesn't want is to be MONOGAMOUS which is different from all of those other things. He likes being with you. He likes intimacy with you! But he wants the option of being able to fool around with and date other women. Which, if he's intimate with you, is VERY unsafe as far as you're concerned. What if he gets a STD from someone else and then passes it along to you, and you get extremely sick?

The most important thing there can ever be between friends is the ability to talk about things. So sit down with him and talk. I have lots of advice on my site about how to have serious talks, so set the stage. And then ask him what's so fearful about actually dating. Life is about making choices. It's not like dating is marrying. He's not going to be tied to you forever. But if you guys have fun and enjoy each other, why not date? Is he really thinking that some girl far better than you is just around the corner so he'll "make do" with you until she shows up? If he really thinks that, it might be time to find another guy to spend your time with!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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