My Workmate is 15 Years Older - Will This Work?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been friends with this guy for about two years. In the past year weve gotten pretty close. Now we are coworker, but only see each other a few min. a day at work. Hes always been a big flirt, so i never took it serious when he would flirt with me.

Just a week ago we were talking online and we started to talk about our feelings for each other. He now knows that i have liked him for a long time. He said that he had been interested to but didnt think i was.

A few nights later i had car trouble and he helped me. Then he invited me back to his place, one thing lead to another and we ended up very intimate that night. I thought things were going well. but now we dont talk online much. He did say he has been really busy. He does call me alot just to chat while were working.

But the problem is that im not sure if he wants to take it any farther than just casual sex between friends, but i am interested in a relationship with him. Im really nervous about persueing to much because two other girls that were interested in him ended up scaring him off by trying too hard now he doesnt even talk to them. i dont want that to happen, but if he is still interested he may think that im not. what should i do... I dont know if i should flirt with him, or ask him out, or what.

Theres also a big Difference in age with us.. Im 21 and he is 36. If we dont mind the age thing.. Is it actually a problem? Advice
Lots of people date with big age differences. The only way it works though is if both people are interested in the same type of relationship. If a 21 yr old and 36 yr old both want casual fun, then it works perfectly. If both the 21 yr old and the 36 yr old both want to settle down in a picket fence house, it works great. However if the 36 yr old wants casual fun and the 21 yr old wants to date, then obviously it will not work.

So far it sounds like he wants casual fun. If you chase him because you want more, then most definitely he'll leave because that's not what he wants. You can't change people. You have to find a partner who honestly and naturally wants what you want.

So you have to make a decision. Are you happy with what you have now? Obviously not. You can try offering to see him more frequently, and accept that if he doesn't want to, he will leave. Which should actually be fine with you - because you aren't happy with the casual relationship. If he indicates he isn't going to go into a more full relationship, then you would want to move on to a new guy, right?

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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Still young
Don't pry but ask
Be open

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