I Want Him to Say He Loves Me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been dating this great guy for nearly a year now. Everything is great, he is the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. We are both young at 23 years old.
The only problem is ... he has never told me he's in love with me or loves me. I was the one to pursue this relationship and was the one to ask him out, make the first moves etc ... but now I feel it's his turn if he feels anything more for me. I don't feel that I should 'ask' if he loves me. I know I love him.
What should I do? Should I ask? How to approach this or should I be the first one again to tell him how i feel? I would rather hear it from him first...
Aha, you're in the classic situation of dating someone for a while and then wanting them to change to suit your desires. You KNEW this guy was not an initiative-taker. You knew that in the relationship you were going to have to be the planner and doer, and he would be the follower. Every relationship tends to have someone who leads and someone who follows, and in your situation that's how it works out.
So after all this time, you want him to suddenly change and be the initiative person? Just to make things fair? Life isn't fair. People are the way they are. He's been with you for a year, obviously he has very strong feelings for you. Most couples don't last that long. Words don't change how people feel. And he's not known for being the person to take a new step first, so it is no surprise he hasn't crossed that bridge without you!! If he did so, you would think a pod person had taken over his body.
Many people don't say they love you until they get married. For them, love is a once in a lifetime thing that you are only ready for when you are ready to make that death-do-us-part vow. So maybe he's a person like that! You should treasure that in him, rather than trying to make him someone he is not.
There's a song called More Than Words that says that just about anyone can say I Love You - about their cat, about their fish, about anybody. But SHOWING someone you love them is much more meaningful. If he is showing you how much he cares in the way he holds you and pays attention to you, that is what is critical.
If you really want to hear the words, then say them to him. You might find that once YOU take the initiative, that he will be quite happy to say them as well. But words should never be as important as actions are.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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User Submitted Response from a 21-30 year old Female