I'm Very Jealous of my Boyfriend's Fellow Student
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half now, and I love him a lot. But I realize that my jealousy is going to drive us away. He is a pre-med student, and is always in study groups and long class sessions. There is this girl who I found out recently has a secret crush on him and that is the girl who he happens to study with a lot, as they are in the same classes and major.
I have made an effort to talk to her, to like her, but I just can't bring myself to like her. It upsets me so much when she calls my apartment, looking for him, and I know that the subject of their conversations are mainly about their studies and research, but I can't help but just get this horrible hate feeling overcome me. Whenever he mentions anything related to her or if I see them come out of a classroom together, I just get this sick feeling inside me, and my mood instantly changes. I can be the happiest person in the world, but as soon as I see her/think about her, I get so cold and mean towards my boyfriend.
Logically and rationally I know he loves me and that he would never cheat on me--its not his nature to do something like that and he's told me he doesn't know how to convince me that he is completely committed to me. How do I get rid of all this hate and jealousy inside me? It's driving me CRAZY!!
In essence, jealousy is about your own insecurity that your boyfriend would rather be with someone else than with you. He's with this other girl that is in his field of study, who knows the 'cool' things about medicine that you do not. They get to study together and learn together. You worry that he will fall for her and abandon you!
You're quite right in that this is something to get under control. Your boyfriend has to study. He has to interact with other females. Some will undoubtedly be fond of him. If he loves you, he'll stay with you. If he doesn't, he won't. So hating or not hating this one girl isn't going to help any of that. If anything, your being hostile will help to cause a rift between you and him.
I have a lot of advice and a walkthrough on dealing with jealousy on my site, but if you're in a college setting there must be free therapists all over the place to help people deal with issues. This is exactly what they're there for! Talk to one, get this worked out of your system and find yourself a centering point. It's an investment of time and energy that you really need to make in order to keep the relationship healthy.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com