Confusing Signals from an Ex
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Well, We dated for 6 1/2 years. We met at a mutual friends wedding. We get along great. The attraction and chemistry between us is magnetizing. He lived on his own. I never met his family members, which made me feel very insecure about our relationship. I wanted a deeper commitment like 3 years into our relationship. My sons father started to show interest even though he knew I had a new relationship. When things got really shady, I told him I was getting married to my sons father and I did.
I really thought I was making the right decision. I decided it was the best thing to do for all of us. The marriage did not work out. I got a divorce and my love and I started seeing each other again. I moved to Florida trying to make a better life for my son and I. I thought it would be best for my son to be close to my ex-husband. My love would eventually come to Florida - or so I thought.
He did not. Florida didn't work either. My ex-husband acted like a real jerk. He didn't spend the time with my son. I moved back home and when i returned my love told me, it was over. But, we talked all the time and he is always very supportive. Anyway, after not talking to me for about 2 months, he now talks to me but we are still not together. He bought a new house in which I have never seen. He told my friends that he wanted me to move in with him. I'm confused about our situation, He says he still loves me and he misses me. We talk on the phone and see each other occasionally, He says he is not in any relationship.
Should I hold on? Should I let go? I still love him. I think he still loves me. But, there is some distance, We are not as close as we use to be. Sometimes he calls me early in the morning to talk like v4:00, 5:00, 6:00,. I need your advice!
It really seems like there is a strong lust-ful connection going on here but a big gap in the emotional side. This guy NEVER introduced you to his family after 3 years? Most people I know are doing the family introduction after a few months! You went to Florida and he abandoned you instead of talking to you - and then just tells you it's over? But he chats with you when he's feeling lonely?
It really feels like he's using you as a safety blanket - someone nice to turn to when things are down but not someone really to spend a lot of time and energy on. How can he tell people he wants you to move in when he's never bothered to actually show you the house - that doesn't indicate a very strong level of connection there. He likes the IDEA of you being around but isn't willing to put in the work to make it happen.
You have a child there that deserves a stable life, and this guy doesn't seem like he'll provide it. I'd keep him as a friend - it's always nice to have friends in life. But I would start looking around for a new relationship to work on - one where the guy is actually willing to meet you half way.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com