He's Keeping Me a Secret and Seeing Other Girls
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Well, there is this guy that I've been seeing for almost two years. Not going out or anything, he likes to keep it a secret...so i would feel dumb telling people and him being all like he doesnt know what I'm talkin about, so i just keep my mouth shut.
I'm confused, sometimes it seems like he really likes me and does the sweetest things, other times he totally makes me feel used and he treats me bad. I don't get it. He hangs out with other girls too, then i get kind of jealous and argue with him about it, but he says that there is nothing going on with him and any of them.
I don't know if I trust him or not. If he does something, I always let him get away with it, I don't want to ruin not "being" with him because I like him so much. I've never felt like this before, he's like my first love...so please, is he using me or does he like me? I dont know if I should stay with him or not? Help?!
I know it's wonderful to be with a cool guy, to feel that warmth when he smiles at you. But a really important thing to learn in life is that LOVE in general feels that way. It's not necessarily this one guy. And this guy is NOT showing that he loves you if he is mistreating you randomly and if he is lying to people about your relationship!
Look at the world around you. People who are in love go to ALL possible extremes to be together and to shout their love out to the world. People are breaking the law to get married. People are running off together to be together. People survive years of being apart long distance because they love each other so much. And this guy HAS you and he deliberately hides the fact? He doesn't want anybody to know about it? That's not what love is about. That's what using someone is about. Why is he ashamed to tell people? Why is it a secret? Why isn't he PROUD to walk down the street with you on his arm, to tell everyone he meets that you are His Girl?
Guys I know who are in love with their girls are proud to support her dreams, to encourage her goals, to share her hopes and dreams with their friends and family. When you talk to these guys, they bring her up often not because they have to - but because they truly enjoy it! She is a part of his life and he is a part of her life. For this guy you're with to be deliberately forcing you to hide this relationship you have is a serious warning signal.
It sounds like he's very good at manipulating you. Undoubtedly when you press him on this he'll claim it's for your own good. But one of the most important things you can possibly learn in life is that YOU always have to look out for yourself. Nobody else will. And if he is using you, he won't TELL you that he is!! As much as you love him, you need to care for yourself. If you let him use you you are only making things worse for BOTH of you. It might be time to become just friends for a while until you figure out what is going on.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com