He's Concerned about Being a Stepdad
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have a dilemma. We both have basically known each other all our lives. We had the same circle of friends growing up. We were at each other's prom. We both care for each other alot.
The difference is I have a 2 yr old son from a failed marriage. I am divorced now, happily. He has no children. He has said he is afraid. Afraid of being an "instant dad". He has also never "done anything".
We are both Christians and have a strong faith in God. We both want to be together, but we want it to be God's will. He has said he is not sure if I am "the one", but at times he says he thinks I am. I am confused, I love him dearly, he's everything I have ever dreamed of in a man. It would break my heart if we were to break up. He thinks about our situation often, and we have alot of fun together. We are inseparable. He cares about my son, too.
We are still confused though. What do you make of all of this?
It's a very good sign that he's so cautious about leaping into fatherhood. Many guys don't give this a lot of thought and end up causing all sorts of trouble for the mother, the child and themselves!!
It's never easy to be a parent. It does take a lot of energy and time and patience. But someone who thinks about it and cares about it will do a FAR better job than someone who doesn't really care about it at all. So he already has a head start.
If he's waiting for perfection, he's going to end up alone. NOBODY is perfect. Heck, any reading of the Bible could show you that!! Life is about strife and arguments, about ups and downs. What marks you as a mature person is how you handles those troubles. If his aim is to keep running away from trouble until he finds a trouble free life, he's never going to stop running.
I would highly recommend talking to a family therapist to help him see that he is in a very normal situation and that it's one he can handle. That can help him learn to talk about the things that bother him, and to settle into his new role as a dad. Even if it's only for a few weeks, I think it would really help. This is your entire life you're investing in here, it's worth those few weeks.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com