Jealousy and the Stripper
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am 22 years old. I have 2 issues. I am 3 months pregnant and still with my boyfriend of only 5 months. He grew up with this girl and I thought she was cool but she never talks to him anymore since him and I started dating and one day she emailed me to have him call her because she wanted to go out with him (bluntly saying that I was not invited). Hes a great guy but doesnt see why this would hurt me.
Am I jealous or do I have a right to stand my ground?
Also we talk about getting married but he thinks that a stripper at his party is okay (which obviously I disagree with). I am Catholic and always have been and went to Catholic School and just don't believe in the whole stripper, stripper clubs scene and never did. I'd rather go out to a Cubs game with a bunch of friends than go spend money on that.
Now is this fixable or do I just give in and stay upset? Please give me some input. Thank you so much for your time in advance.
It definitely is very rude for anybody to call YOU and then say they want to see your partner without them. It wouldn't matter if it was a girl or a guy or someone else. Now, let me say that guys SHOULD have female friends and girls SHOULD have guy friends, it helps them be rounded. But the couple should always be the 'primary unit'. You three should go out together and have fun and be a group. Sure, if she wanted to meet him after dinner for drinks sometime because you were busy, that would be one thing. And if he wanted a night out with the guys throwing darts, that would be fine too. But for her to call you and say "I want to see your guy without you" is just plain rude. At that point she's not being a "family friend" - she's being a friend that is deliberately telling you to get lost.
Next, I realize that it can seem like strippers are a huge threat. But we're not talking about him going to strip clubs every night while you're home with the kid. We're talking about the "traditional bachelor's party" - and we're not even talking lap dances or other sultry items. We're talking about guys taking pleasure in the female body. Hopefully you want your guy enjoying the female body! Yes normally it's yours, but just like porn movies and porn magazines can help liven up a couple's own sex life, so can a stripper. It's his last hurrah / chance to see a naked female other than you for the rest of his life. A last celebration of his youth.
Think of it as a rite of passage. You are going to have many of your own rites as you go from 'girl' to 'woman' here, becoming a mother. You're going to have all sorts of showers and talks with moms and other girly things. And of course the birth. He doesn't really get any of that as he tries to transition to "being a father" which is equally as serious. He can't give birth - he can only watch. He doesn't dress up or anything for the wedding - he can only watch as you are the object of adoration. So the bachelor's party is sort of his one night to jump up and down and say "I'm leaving behind my boyhood! I'm about to become responsible for a wife and a child!" He's not going to cheat on you. He's just going to have a woman dance around to be part of that celebration, sort of a good bye to the opportunities of bachelorhood and a recognition between him and all his friends that a new chapter in his life is starting.
This is a really hard thing for guys. Women have TONS of support in becoming a steady married person. Guys have lots of *negative* images with being whipped and under the thumb and everything else that go with marriage. So I would be lenient here and not make him feel like he has to beg for permission from you even for his last party ...
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com