I'm 17, he is 22
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I have been dating this guy for about 2 years casually and it has started to get very serious within the last year and we have been an official couple for over a year. The problem is the age gap. Im 17 and he is 22 turning 23. I feel we really do love eachother, but I havent allowed him to meet my mother since we've been going out because I know she wouldn't approve. I have met all of his family and I really want to start having him over at my house for dinner and so on...but i dont know how to go into that next step...or if he even wants to meet my mother.
Should i wait until im 18? My mother plays an important role in my life and I feel like he's missing out on meeting my mom and my family life. Will the relationship last like this?? Please help me out I'm very confused on how to tackle this.
It is really a good sign that you both care so much about your families. You are in fact forming your own new family - a couple easily defines what a family is all about. So the fact that you both have strong family ties is a great indicator of how well you will do in your own new unit.
I understand completely your issue here. You love your mom, you love your guy. You want your mom to like your guy and visa versa. I don't think that continually putting it off is a good idea because somewhere in here you are crossing into the territory of 'continually deceiving your family member to get what you want' which is NOT a good idea. One of the most important things in life is to make a decision you believe in, to stand behind that decision. So that includes telling your mom what you have chosen even if she doesn't exactly agree.
Moms can seem really harsh sometimes but their overwhelming desire is for you to be happy and safe. She doesn't want you to be used. It's not like you just met this guy at a bowling alley. You've known him for 2 years. He has pretty much proven by that that he is not after the quick fix with you. He is willing to go long term and has already done the family connection on his side.
So I would definitely arrange a meeting with her, somewhere that she feels comfortable. If she likes to cook, let her cook, or if she doesn't, go out to her favorite restaurant. Let her ask questions, let her voice her concerns. Don't ignore them, be respectful and listen to them and then explain your side without really disagreeing with her. She'll have good points. She might have paranoid points too. If you dismiss her she'll just get more irate. Instead say that her points are GOOD and that you two have a firm commitment to work through those issues.
I really think that if you are truthful with her, if she feels she can trust you and trust him and that you two are really willing to go the full distance to make this work, that that is the best she could ever hope for for her daughter.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com