She's Dating a guy 10+ Years Older and Flirting with Me
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I got a question regarding a bit of an odd 'love triangle' sort of. I met this girl over the internet back in july. We hang out once every couple weeks or so. She does like me, she's told me that if she wasnt with her boyfriend she would have asked me out.
We are both very shy, which makes things a bit tricky. I'll come over, we will talk for a few minutes, then we both just blank out and get really quiet, luckily we are watching TV, but maybe i use that as a write off for being shy. But the shy part isnt whats got me wondering.
She is 18 years old, i am 20, but her boyfriend is 33, she just found out he was 33 also, he told her he was 27, but found out he lied. She keeps telling me she doesnt think they will last much longer, she thinks she will become single again soon, but then she says she will wait for him to come back, give him 6 months, and if she isnt happy with him, she will leave him (he's been injured out of state for several months or so he says, since early august) ...
Is she hinting me or something? I really want to be all flirty and try to 'take her from him', but i just feel that if i were to try and do that, id be putting stress on her, making her choose, and its not really for me to decide if she wants to stay with him. Ive never met him. But... maybe its natural for me to think of him as an enemy, but he is 33! I get this feeling that his whole need to be with her is simply out of perversion, an older man just wants to have sex with a young girl (they have been together since she was 16).
I dont want to tell her to dump him, or call him anything negative, i feel that i would make myself look like i simply wanted her for myself, and wouldnt be considerate of how she is feeling now with her BF, so i actually try and be more supportive, but not trying to encourage them to stay together, i always simply say 'Well, i just hope the best for you' or 'just do whatever makes you feel best' and i dont know if im doing it the right way.
I dont know if these are the types of questions you can answer, but i thought id give it a shot.
So my main questions are :
Is she trying to get me to try and 'liberate' her?
Should i be flirting with her at this point, or should i continue to 'play it safe' ?
No no no you should never try to force someone out of a relationship. The whole situation of her setting you up like this is BAD. She is using you as a safety net. She wants you to wait around for her, while she tests this guy out. She could break up with him right now if she wanted to. But she wants him, and she wants you. She's building a whole harem of guys around her to suit her various needs. That's not right.
If you're happy being the 'safety guy' then sure, keep hanging out with her. Just realize that this kind of mindset doesn't suddenly change. Obviously she doesn't think you're her one and only. She doesn't even think you're good enough to date when it's very easy for her to choose you right now. She thinks you're OK as a backup. What happens if in 6 months you two do date, and someone else "better" comes along? She would jump so fast it'd make your head spin.
I really suggest considering her a friend only, and looking for someone else to date.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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User Submitted Response from a 13-15 year old Female