Dealing with a Crush
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
For the past few weeks i have been feeling pretty stressed out because of school and other things that have been going on. Before, i used to go out on weekends and now i find myself staying home, and not even thinking about going out. I've had this crush on this girl for about 2 years now and finally i've been talking to her. She has a boyfriend and that even makes me more stressed out and unhappy. its seems like when i try not to think of her and try to get over her im not stressed out no more, but when i start getting feelings for her again i start getting stressed out again. Im trying hard to get over her but for some reason i have a feeling that if i get over her im gonna miss out on a special thing if she breaks up with her boyfriend because her friends say that she had a crush on me in the past when i didnt have feelings for her. She has a boyfriend and i've asked her out to the movies and i've asked her to help me with my homework and stuff and she's turned me down everytime. I'v never really told her how i felt about her because im scared of things changing between us and im kind of a stubburn person and im very scared of being rejected. She does talk to me alot and she kind of flirts with me alot. So my question is, Should i try to get over her and move on?? or should i keep trying to get her???
If she's already dating someone, it might be that she's turning you down because you're saying things in a way that sound to her like you're trying to date her. It's actually a good sign then that she's turning you down, because it means when she's dating someone she stays true to them. You would want that to be the case if you start dating her!
So come at it from more of a friend angle. You guys already talk and flirt, which is great. And you care for her, which is great. You should always care for your friends. So work on that friendship. Talk to her more, or maybe about things closer to the heart. Talk about the movies you really love, or the books you really love. Learn about the things she really cares about. Make that connection between you two a bit more special.
Be there for her, listen if she's upset. Get her to know that you're trustworthy, that you care about how she feels, and so on. Get her a small present for the holidays - nothing huge, just a friendship gift. Lend her a book to read, things like that.
She needs to break up with her current boyfriend on her own. It never works if you break someone else up. So be there for her and be friendly and kind. At some point if she is having troubles with her boyfriend, or if she realizes how much nicer and easier to talk to you are, she will make that switch herself. You need to make sure you're in her mind when she does, so that she chooses you.
If she really does seem happy and content and long-lasting with her boyfriend, maintain the friendship! There are few enough real friends in the world, you should treasure each one you have. And it's fine to love her or care for her as a friend, and be happy that she's happy. Keep your options open to another girl that is right for you, if that's the case, and all the things you learn through your friendship about dealing with girls will serve you quite well with your own girlfriend.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com