My Ex is Dating Someone Else - Should We Get Together?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
last night I faced the biggest phobia I have ever had the nerve to confront: I saw an ex of mine for the first time in 2 years. But first I must backtrack, so this all makes June two years ago, I visited where my mother lives (I lived in a different city, and now I live with her). I met this wonderful boy at the park, where all the town kids go to hang out (the town has nothing for teenagers to do). I played basketball with him and some other boys and then it started raining and I took X and his friend back to their houses.

Well, over time, X and I were talking online and it was obvious that we were attracted to one another, very deeply. He told me that he loved me after some time, and it was a fully mutual feeling. In August, I had to go back home to start school again, and I promised that I would visit in November.

We kept in touch for about 2 months after that online, and I succumbed to the peer pressure of my friends, who did not like him even though (obviously) they had never met him. They started emailing him and calling him all sorts of names (I didn't know this until after we broke up), but I started getting a little uppity with him over really little things, and we mutually broke up on our 2 month anniversary (HA), because his parents were divorcing and it was really tearing him apart.

After the breakup, I was temporarily angry, but I forgot about it and distracted myself by dating other boys. In February of las tyear, a mutual friend (mine and X's) told me that he got a girlfriend and that she was really trashy but he really liked her alot-I didn't care either way. But over time, this friend has been telling me how psychotically possessive this girl has been getting, and how X always carries a picture of me in his wallet so he can show his friends that he once dated a really hot girl(?). His girlfriend tries to stifle him from his friends, going to college next year, and even his biggest passion-basketball.

All over this town, people have been telling me to go back out with him, even his mother says that I was the best thing that ever happened to him (she HATES the new girlfriend, because she got X arrested-long drawn-out story).

Well, I've been back home for about 2 months, just going to work every day and taking my classes and not really thinking about guys, but then last night it was like all sorts of feelings came back, feelings that I had learned to keep mum over the years.

I went to the basketball game last night (X's on the team), and I saw an old friend of mine, and I went up to him and started talking to him, and I didn't even recognize X, but he was like heyyy I haven't seen you in 2 years and now you don't talk to me? And he gave me a hug, then some really young girl came up and hugged him and he gave me this disgusted look behind her back(?). Anyway, he told me that he's going to college next year with our mutual friend.

I got this vibe from him, like that he wanted to hang out and start over but was really scared because I hurt him so badly with my insults and my friends's insults. And now I am just at this breaking point, and I want to tell our mutual friend all about the situation tommorow, but I would like some advice before I take any big plunges. As for my feelings, they feel practically invincible and I think that is because I've denied them for so long, and now I cannot get him out of my mind-the least I want is forgiveness for being stupid and immature. Alright...I think I've typed an excess of things...any advice given is very much appreciated;)! Advice
I would never trust an important relationship to third party telephone games. Call him up yourself, as a friend. Talk to him. That will make it clear that you're interested in him and restart the connection. From there, start sending email messages. Find out if he's really dating another girl. If he is, he has the option to break up with her. If he chooses to stay with her, then back off. You should never put yourself in the position to be "the break-up girl". That only leads to disaster later. If he breaks up, it needs to be because he on his own wants to.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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