We broke up, and I want him back
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I'm in the 11th grade and I told my ex-boyfriend I wasn't feeling him anymore, he didn't cheat and niether did I. So I would still talk to him and I would ask him is he avaliable,he said no. He would tell me how he wanna ask me to go out with him again but he says I broke his heart and he would say no because it was wrong how I just popped up and said Tyrone I don't wanna go out with you anymore. So now he looks his ultimate best and his facial hair makes me weak to my knees,and I love him very much. Also he is the only decent boy with cute looks and is STILL a virgin and so am I. He has a girlfriend, but I don't know this girl, I just know her by face. What do I do?
If he has a girlfriend already, don't try to break them up. That will sour your relationship with him, and if you ever get into a fight or anything that'll be in the back of his mind, that it's your fault he's even in the relationship. You want him to come to you on his own, so that he then works on the relationship as much as you do.
It's GREAT that you guys are staying friends and can talk about these things. That's key for any relationship. It does sound like your breakup didn't really have full closure, if it hit him out of the blue and he's still confused about it all. So the first think you need is to GET closure on the relationship.
Explain to him what made you break up. Nothing ever just "happens" - there are always lots of reasons for doing anything. Maybe you were upset about something. Maybe he wasn't paying enough attention to you. If you'd been really unhappy, you wouldn't have broken up with him. So explain to him what you were feeling, and why you did it. Also, talk about how you were younger then and had different emotions and needs. We all change over time, we all want one thing at one age and another at another age. That's normal and healthy. So what you wanted back then was one thing, and what you seek in a relationship now might be another. And now at where you are in life, he may be just the right guy to really be dedicated to.
A lot of the difficulty in getting back an old boyfriend is the trust issue. Trust is really key to any relationship and once it's harmed, it's hard to repair it. But the fact that you still talk and are friends is *really* good and means you're already working on it. So keep working on it, be there, keep talking, be reliable. Getting closure on your old breakup is key. That will "clear the slate". Then as he sees that you are there, and patient, and care for him, he may realize that you are far better than his current girlfriend, and decide to make the switch. And if he does, you're there waiting for him, and he knows that you were patient while HE chose what to do. So that now that he has chosen you, he'll be willing to work to keep this new relationship from running into the same issues.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com