I'm Obsessed with my Girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Hi! Ive been going out with my gf for about 14 months now.Its the first time that i ever lasted in a relationship for that long with a girl. My longest relationship before was like 4 monts. She has had two long relationships before. Both about two years each. Becouse of this i feel like i love this girl like i never loved anybody before. This is a whole new feeling for me since before, with my other reltionships, i never got that far to fall in love that much. Its very probable that im gonna marry her, i havent asked yet but weve talked about it.
I graduated from highschool last year and now im working/saving some money so i can go to school. Also helping my dad and my little brother(economically) I work 5 days a week, full time, even on weekends, so i dont have a lot of free time. Most of my friends got busy too so each went in diferent direccions. Now a have only two friends(close friends) around the area that i live and i hardly ever see them. Also since im workin all the time, sometimes they dont even call me if there is a party or something anymone. So in my days off i spend it all with my girlfriend.
She goes to collegue. She also works but like two days a week only. Her dad is payin for her collegue. So she has a lot more free time that i do. Therefore she has a lot more friends and also cousins of the same age.
The reason im telling you all this intrudicction is becouse i feel that i have to do something about my life. A lot of times i feel really lonely even though i have her, my family and some friends. She loves me with all her heart and i love her too. I dont want this too afect to my relationship with her. I would love to get another job but the one that i have right now pays very good. Im making even more thatn my dad is. I could live easyly by my self if a wanted to. But my dad is having some problems and i cant live my lil brother alone.
Also once we got into a small fight, stupd fight i would say, but we didnt talked for like two days to each other. For that time my life was a disaster. I was really sacred of loosing her and i find it really hard if not impossible for me to live without her.
When this happend all she did was keep her self busy going out with friends(girls), etc. Im not saying she doesnt care, she does. I know that dat by a fact. Its just that im not a big factor in her life as much as she is in mine. She can easily get over a brakeup faster than i would. I mean she is my best friend and she had told me that im not for her, but really close.
I wanna know if this is obsecion? or wat can i do to prevent this on affecting my realtionship? I know i need to find a balance in my live but right now i dont think is possible. I mean with friends, family, work, her, etc.
I also wanna now if its normal for her to do what she doas, of not putting me in the top list of importance in her life? Should i do the same? i tryed but i cant.
Somethimes i feel very jelouse of her wen she is out with firneds. Sometimes i even get mad. I dont tell her becouse i kno its me but its relly hard to hide.
I also felt in love with her after like 5 months. Now she told me she really didnt love me that much until like 10 months even though she used to tell me she does.
I really want this realtionship to work. If you could please help me i would really thank you with all my heart. If you have any questions that maybe i didnt explain my self very weel, feel free to email me. Ill get back to you the same day. Thaks again!!!
It's always silly to argue about exactly when someone loves someone else. Love and like are all grades of feelings and they change from day to day. It's like asking what grey is. There is a giant scale of feelings and we all slide up and down it every day. So trying to guess when X person felt exactly "love" is meaningless. If she said it, then she felt it when she said it. If she felt something else on another day, that's fine too. All that matters is how you feel now and how she feels now.
In the same manner, people all have different things they want. No two people want the exact same things in the same ways. You have needs for your life. She has needs in her life. They don't have to match exactly. They just have to intersect.
You are doing what you have to do, to take care of your family and to go on to college. She is doing what she has to do to get through college. You are doing what you can to also stay a part of each others' lives. That's a very good thing! It's a balancing act and that is true in any relationship. A lot of people have far worse things to balance - ex wives, kids from previous relationships, long distance, etc. In comparison you two actually have it pretty easy.
So keep spending time with her when you can, and let her know you care. Make sure you maintain the connection. If you two were meant to be, then that connection will grow, and when she gets out of college, you'll be able to settle in together somewhere and go from there.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com