Jealousy Broke Us Apart, can we Get Back Together?
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Me and my *recently (2 days)* broken off girlfriend have been together since sophmore year high school, and now it is sophmore year college. I'm pretty sure that I love her, and she says that she loves me too, still. You probably guessed the problem by now, I'm the jealous type. I've been reading the questions posted here, and many other websites, and I read about the jealousy issue. I am ready to change, my point of view is starting to shift. I used to get jealous when she went out with her friends to a movie, if the group included boys. But after reading all of these posts, it seems like the problems arise because of jealousy/paranoia.
I want to get back with my girlfriend, but I'm a little confused as how to do it, and if it's possible. My question is: How should I go about trying to get her back, it's her birthday in a week, on the 29th of November. I have already bought her a gift beforehand too :(, now I don't know what to do. Anyway, yeah, how should I go about it? Should I go slow, and try to be friends with her first? Should I go take her out for a birthday and discuss the issues further? Should I let her be alone for a while? Should I just give up?
The first step is always the hardest, and you've already taken that by facing up to your part in the breakup. Note that breakups always involve two people, so she can't be completely blameless here. But if you were jealous and that caused problems between you two, now is certainly a great time to fix them.
If you were together for that long, and were reasonably happy all that time, then you have a good chance of hooking back up if you can show her that you are willing to work on your jealousy issues. I imagine she was sad about the breakup but just couldn't handle the jealousy any more. So definitely ask her to sit down and talk about things for her birthday, as friends. Give her the present, because no matter what else, after four years together you should be friends enough to share presents!
Then just talk about the relationship, and how you see now that your jealousy harmed it. That you want to work through your jealousy issues, that this is VERY important to you. Don't make it into a "you must come back to me" thing, but just a "I want to be a better person, and I think this will help." This will bring her (hopefully) into the mood of "Yes, I care for you as a friend, and I agree that you have this issue, and I will help you if I can." It will also get her thinking that if you did get through your jealousy issues, you'd be perfect for her again! But she might still be too nervous to say something like that right now. Her hurt from the breakup might still be too raw. So don't push on that part. Just get her to talk about this being a cause for the breakup before, and this being a good thing to work on, and that you two will remain close friends.
Work on remaining friends, spending time together, talking together, and working on your jealousy. When she sees you are serious about changing, and that you still care for her, then she will probably become more open to you two getting closer again.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com