She Slept with Another Before we Dated

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
I am a newlywed Baptist preacher. One evening I asked my wife if she had ever slept with another preacher. She replied that she had. After a little nudging, she said it was the minister that married us. He was an associate of mine.

Whose place was it to tell me prior to the wedding so I could determine if I wanted him or to perform the ceremony or not. They were both married at the time, but my wife was seperated from her ex-husband. We are both in our late forties.

Also, do I have a right to feel betrayed? Hurt? Advice
I really do feel it's important for a couple that is committed to each other to know about each other's full past. There are all sorts of important reasons for this, including medical ones. I find it rather odd that you two never had that kind of a discussion. If you did and she lied about it, then that is REALLY bad and I would certainly have an issue with that. If for some reason you never, ever talked about past relationships, then there was an atmosphere of not full honesty in the first place on both parts, and that really needs to be addressed right now. A relationship needs to be based on full honesty.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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too late to fix the past

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