My Guy seems Hooked on My Female Friend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've ALWAYS been sort of a jealous person - I'm not sure why. I know my dad cheated on my mother when I was a kid and am sure that has something to do with the whole thing...
This is my situation...
I started hanging out with this guy a couple of months ago. I think he's awesome. He's romantic, affectionate, smart, and as nice as can be. (I could go on and on, but you get the point).
Well, my friend just split up with her boyfriend after about 9 years and I've been hanging out with her a bit as well. I of course have been telling her how wonderful he is and am on cloud nine. In the mean time, I'm trying to fix her up with all my single friends, because she wants to meet new people.
The other night I invited a bunch of friends to a bar for TGIF happy hour. They both came. Bottom line is we all had fun and she made a comment that she used to date someone just like him. They had so much in common. She is a flirt and works with all guys (that's the main reason her guy split up with her -- he's REALLY jealous). Anyway...
I know he's with me and we're having a great time. Since Friday, he brought up her name about three times. 1) To tell me she seems really nice (the night he met her). 2)To ask where she lives because there was a big accident on the way to the bar. 3)To see how her and the guy I introduced her to got along... Now should I tell you that was while we were in the shower this morning?????
I TOTALLY WANT TO BE WRONG, AND I DON'T WANT TO BE JEALOUS, but it's driving me crazy...
I love both of them and want them to be really good friends, but I would be devastated if they really wanted to be together deep down in side. Part of me wants to just blurt it out and ask, but I am so worried I'm over reacting.
I've already got the advice I think you're going to give me, but give me more please....
"So be happy that he's appreciated, be happy he has chosen to be with you, and be happy at the fun you guys can have together.
Life is too short to obsess over the chances of someone leaving you, and then destroying a perfectly good relationship because "he MIGHT leave me."
That does all seem a bit odd, that he's hooked on learning more about her. Perhaps the first "she seemed nice" was reasonable enough. When you meet the friend of your partner, you always sort of wonder what sorts of friends they have. It's rather a relief to find out they have "normal" friends because undoubtedly you'll be spending time with them in the future at parties and so on.
The other two are a bit more bizarre though, especially for him to ask where she lives. And for her to flirt with your guy is rather out of line. It's quite OK to be a flirty woman. But girlfriends are always FAR more important than the boyfriend of the moment. For a girl to start making moves on their friend's guy is way over the line. There are THOUSANDS of guys out there and she could go after any one of those she wanted. Why would she deliberately try to cause trouble for the one you are happy with?
It's definitely not good to be unreasonably jealous. But it's also not good to let bad situations continue onwards because you want to blindly hope for the best. I would have a talk with your girlfriend alone - maybe go out to dinner together with her - and express your concerns. Maybe that will get her to watch her tongue in the future and if he DOES contact her, she will have the maturity to let you know that. As time goes on you can develop that level of trust with him, too. But especially in early stages of a relationship, it is your friends in which you need to trust.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com