I'm Jealous of my Boyfriend's Ex
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Person
Me and my boyfriend have been together now for 6 months, but I have a BIG jealous problem. It's not about him right now, it's about this one girl that he use to date and they had gotten engaged. But she has no contact with him.
I know he would never cheat on me. His mom has a picture of him and his ex-fiance in the living room. Everytime I see that picture I cry or I get really upset at my boyfriend. I know it's childish for me to do that, but I dont know how to deal with my jealousy. My boyfriend is always saying it's in the past. I know it is but I dont know why she gets to me.
I've never been a jealous person of any of my ex-boyfriend's past. So why am I jealous of this one girl that doesnt even live in the same state as me and my b-friend does?
Just about every girl dreams as they grow up about getting married - about finding their Prince Charming and living happily ever after. So it probably bothers you to think that your boyfriend felt that way about another girl, enough to propose marriage to her, and that she was a part of his life. Even though she isn't right now, she was before.
It's very odd that his mother keeps around a picture of a woman that he broke up with. I certainly wouldn't want to go to MY mom's house and see a picture of an ex-boyfriend on the walls!! I would take a very nice picture of you and your boyfriend together and then give a copy to the mother and tell her this is to replace that OLD one.
Every one of us has a past, we all have old loves in our past. Obviously this other woman was NOT right for your boyfriend, and you are. So to be jealous of her would be misguided. She was his STEPPING STONE. It was only by dating her that your boyfriend realized what he really needed in life - and that was you. So just as a baby might learn to crawl before it learns to walk, your boyfriend learned to 'get along' with a woman with her before he learned to REALLY love a woman with you. You need to appreciate that he took that step, but that it was JUST a step on the path to you.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com