She Won't Talk to Me

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
please tell me what should I talk to her... anything! ( on the phone & in person ) it's not that I don't want to talk to her... is just that there's nothing for us to talk about 'cause all she answers would be:" yup, uh-huh, maybe, nah, nope, really?, and the most common, why should I tell you? " so it's really hard to communicate with her... my friend once told me to talk rubbish on the phone with her, but I don't think that's gonna work, will it? I've known this girl for 3 years now but our relationship is still just at the "just friends" stage... the 1st year turn out to be okay, but the 2nd & 3rd isn't that good... there's this very reliable source (a friend of her's ) told me that she thinks I'm not that bad... is that a good sign? please PLEASE help me out, thanks a lot Advice
It is a really GOOD sign that you guys have been friends for so long! And her inability to talk really indicates SHE has had some serious problems growing up and learning how to communicate. Jeez, most girls would KILL to have a guy that wanted to talk to them! And here this girl has you wanting to talk to her and all she can do is mumble???

Maybe she has trouble focussing - and when you're talking to her she's really watching TV or playing on the computer or reading a book. This is SUPER annoying and very rude. But again maybe she just wasn't taught manners by her parents. So the first thing, set the mood with her. Tell her you want to try something and have her just sit on a chair somewhere quiet with the tv and computer OFF and her favorite CD playing softly. Tell her to close her eyes. That way you can make sure she's not ignoring you!!

Now read through these conversation topics -

don't leap through all of them. The point is to teach her how to talk. Talking is about holding a conversation on a single topic for a while. So choose one topic. Maybe it's 'my ideal house'. Then ask her what her ideal house would be. What color is it? What sort of outside? A garden? A porch? Two floors? Stairs? A batpole? Really draw her out and get her to talk about it.

If she grew up in a quiet household, she may not be used to talking. But this is a CRITICAL life skill for her to learn, and if she doesn't learn it from you, maybe she'll never learn it at all.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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