Balancing Work and Love

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
my boyfriend and i are together for almost 2 years,before, i really know that he loves me, that he wanted to be with me always.We had been through a lot. He went to the states twice already and according to him, he came back because of me..the first time when he went to the states we were really crying he even told me that maybe its much better if he will not go with his dad. Then on his second time he went to the states alone.his reason why he wanted to go there was because we were always fighting. When he came back we were so happy and in love..but after few months he and his friends decided to form a groupwork, a work where something he really is so intersted in.

They got an office, and he is always staying there and we dont have that much time together not like before where we used to spend all the time of the day together. Now when we have a fight he doesnt seem to be affected he makes his decisions of his own. do you think he still loves me? He always wanted to go to their office. .but there are also times when we are so happy together.. before i forget his reason why he wanted to work was in order for US to have our own money and buy the things that we wanted to have..but im really confused because there are a lot of times when it seems that he doesnt even care with our relatonship. I had tried a lot of times to talk it over with him but it has no use. We would just end up fighting because he will get mad and ask me DO YOU WANT ME TO QUIT??i would love to if he would quit but i dont want to be selfish. I know that he is happy with what he is doing right now..but there are a lot of times that im left alone..and all i can do is cry. I love him so much..I cant imagine life without him its better to be dead than living without him.. Does he still loves me? please help me.. Advice
The primary thing a partner should do is support the other partner in things that are important to him (or her) - this can be work, hobbies, charity, etc. Your boyfriend has found a job he REALLY loves. Of course it would be nice if partners could spend all day together all the time. But in the real world, that's not how things work. We all have to go to work, we all have hobbies and other friends. You have to find balance as a partner. He can't be the "only thing" you do in your life, so you sit home and mope when he's not around. He has things he enjoys doing, and he has friends he enjoys being with. This is all *very* healthy. You need to have the same. You should have your own work, or charity, or hobbies, or whatever it is you want to spend your time on. You need to have your own friends to go out to lunch with, or get a drink after work with, or whatever.

It sounds like you've become dependent on your boyfriend for any pleasure in your life, and you get upset with him when he finds any pleasure away from you. The fact that you're so dependent is going to cause huge problems for your relationship (and sounds like it's doing it already). You should support him in things he likes, he should support you in things you like, and when you have time together you should enjoy that time as being special.

It's time for you to become a strong, independent woman. Yes, you love him. But he should be a great *part* of your life, not The Only Thing. What do you like to do? Join a club that shares your hobbies. How about your friends? Make sure you're spending time with them. Is there a dream you've always thought about doing? Go out and persue it! I think you'll find that when you're less obsessed about spending every moment with your boyfriend, and crying when he goes to work, that both of your lives will become MUCH happier.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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