He Won't Tell his Ex About Us

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I met this guy about 8 months ago and we have been living together for the last 3 months. He was with his last girl friend for ten years and she wanted to get married. He didn't. When he moved out he accepted a job in the midwest and was sent overeases. While he was over seas he would send her money so she could pay his bills. He also left some furniture there at her house until his house was built.

We met while he was over seas. We are both back and our relationship is strong. I think? He has not told her about me because he doesn't want to up set her and have to move his furniture because his house is not finished and won't be until somethime this summer. They also have a timeshare together that he has not discussed spliting up yet.

We have argued about this. I want him to have all his bills sent to our address and I want her to know about me. Am I wrong for being jealous?

RomanceClass.com Advice
If you've been with someone for 8 months - including living together for 3 - then definitely it is time for him to stop lying to ANYONE about the siutation. Lies rarely work, someone is bound to find out and tell her. When she finds out he's been lying, her anger will be HUGE. Yes, he's worried about how she'll react. But trying to shield yourself from responsibility for what you have done is really slimy. He chose to date you, to live with you. He needs to take responsibility for those actions and face her anger or jealousy or whatever she's going to feel.

He needs to get the bills he's paying sent to him. He should have done that the second he was back in the US. He needs to get the timeshare issue resolved. He can't just let these lingers forever because it's "easier for him". How about HER? Is she supposed to have her entire life on hold for years and years because it's easier on HIM? In a way he's leading her on, maintaining this connection and giving her the hope that he'll come back to her. That is really unfair.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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