Long Distance and he Called it Quits
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend of 9 1/2 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago and it left me completely heart broken. I am in college and he is in the ARMY and he just got restationed even further away from me. The distance was never a problem for us before though. We always talked about getting married and we thought about doing it this year.
He knew from his stepmom that i needed to talk to him and he came to me that day and said: we need to have a talk. I eventually asked him: did he not want to be with me anymore? He raised his eyebrows and was like yeah, thatís what Iím kinda thinkin here. So it seems like he was second guessing himself... So basically, he was saying all of this stuff to me, but its not what he really wanted to say. He just put it that way cause he didnít know how else to deal with it.
I asked him why and he just said: "I just don't feel the same way about you anymore. I mean, i 'm going to texas and then korea." And i asked how long he'd been thinking this way and he said: for a couple of days.
I asked if there was another girl: no... did he want to date other girls in texas? "I dont know, maybe."
I wrote him a letter after we broke up, i don't know if he got it. And i've tried calling him 2x but gotten no answer. I wrote him a text message and he DOES respond to those but in a weird way. He's so unclear in his messages.
He's asked 3 times if I'm going to texas. And then he said: so what exactly do you want me to do for you?
I don't think he really wanted to break up with me. You don't just STOP loving someone overnight. What i do think is that maybe he was scared by the way i was acting that weekend. It was a little off the wall now that i look back, and i dont know WHAT caused me to act like that but i regret it now. Or maybe it was because he was afraid that i was gonna break up with him so he broke up with me first.
Anyhow, my point is: what do you think went wrong here? How can i get him to respond to my calls. I want my boyfriend back! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED!!! I dont want to seem like the crazy ex here by calling him all the time and leaving a million messages. But sometimes its hard to restrain myself and it just leaves me depressed.
i just thought that he would always be the one because every just seemed to fit. PLEASE help me!!!!!!!
It's really common for people who live far apart to drift apart and break up. Military marriages are notorious for that. It's a really hard job to maintain a solid connection between two people who are experiencing vastly different things, and who are surrounded by "nearby temptations".
It sounds like he felt the stress of his military life plus the stress of maintaining a long distance relationship would just be too much for him. Try to approach things more slowly. Just tell him that you respect what he is doing and want to be there as a *friend* for him, someone he can talk to who will understand what he's going through. Get that basic connection going. That's the important part here. Once you have that connection you can work on gradually strengthening it so he realizes it won't be hard at all.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com