Long Distance Love with Anger Issues
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I met this wonderful girl at a seminar for two weeks. she was from C and i from T. a long distance relationship that just gets harder. she had a boyfriend at the time i met her, we didnt talk about him at all, we spent alot of time together just talking, all night most nights. i knew we had a connection and so did she. if i knew she was important or that i was going to love her, which, i did, i would have to giver her some time to adjust while breaking up with her boyfriend. which she did.
the problem we have is that her ex is a member of her friends circle and still to this day a year and a half later still says i love you to her, still hangs out with her, after months and months of fighting im sick of all this, she proclaims every day that there is nothing there that hes just a friend,,but he leaves messages saying i love you baby,,,i mean im not going to stand for this. the other part of the problem is me, when we fight i get very angry and start to yell alot on the phone then continue to curse at her, i can totally understand why she would be upset at me. but alot of the things she gets mad about are things she does as well and when i point that out she gets even more mad.
i keep telling her i want to feel loved. in the relationship and as a guy it seems strange for me to be the one sending love letter, or little care packages, im the one constantly writing emails, half the time im not getting responce. i know we both love each other, but especially with her friends im like a secret. everyone knows about me in her area but none know def that she has a boyfriend, at time ppl will go up to her ex and ask if they are still going out,,,and then she says i have no right to get mad,,,,does this make sense? i need your help because i love her to death. weve both visited each other alot, she stayed with my parents at my house for a week, and in the indian culture things like that are very important, thats why i know shes serious about me to fly from C and etc. and her parents know all about me, but its her friends and life there,,,and the little things she doesnt do that bother me, and her only thing against me is that i have a temper problem,.and the way i argue,,,other than that im not bad to her at all. in fact i spoil her,,well at least i think i do.i even considered her and our relationship when i was applying to law schools.please help me..i truly love her
A temper problem is a VERY serious issue, as is jealousy!! You can't just brush that off as a minor thing. You should never be yelling at and cursing at someone, that is emotional abuse. I'm not surprised that there are other problems if this is considered a normal part of your relationship.
You need to resolve that RIGHT NOW. From now on your aren't going to yell or curse. If you have an issue then you will discuss it like a rational human being. If you are incapable of doing that, then you really shouldn't be in a relationship, never mind a long distance relationship which is always extra hard.
So. If you want her to be fully honest with everyone around her that you are dating her, then tell her that. If she says she will not, then talk to her and ask why. Find out her reasons. Then discuss the reasons, resolve them and have her tell everyone. If she is lying about your relationship and/or not proud of it, then it simply won't work. Honesty is critically important in any relationship and is super important in a long distance one.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com