Is my old boyfriend trying to get back with me?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I was dating my boyfriend for a year. He met someone new five months ago. I felt awful but moved on. I love him.

He called throughout the five months but I never took his calls or saw him. Sometimes he called three times in a day.

Last week, five months later, he called several times but I did not pick up. I finally answered and he said he must try to see me, that his having met another girl and having seen her a few times did not mean 'all was well' and he said something about feeling good and proud the last time he had seen me (he had 'dropped' in once). He said he didn't want me to be angry and asked to speak with me and sit near me. I agreed but I told him I do not have sex with a guy who is going with another girl. I told him I had felt sad when he left me and didn't want to feel that again.

He came over. He didn't make any sexual advances but he was affectionate. We talked about the weather! We cuddled a bit and fell asleep on the couch. It got a little sexy! He left late in the night but he has not called again. It is five days later and it is Valentines Day in two days!

I think he is out shopping for a ring and brooding or something.

Is he trying to get back with me/us? Advice
It is really really not a good sign that he actively has another girlfriend - for five months - and he is spending the whole time calling you too. So he's cheating on her trying to get you - and having "gotten you" he then didn't bother to call again. This from a guy who already abandoned you once in the past.

If I were feeling charitable I would say it was nice that he came back to you - but if he was being nice he would have done this -

* realized his other girlfriend wasn't who he wanted
* come back to you promising he was a honest man now

Instead he's keeping the other girl around, keeping you around, and will wait to see which one works out the best. This is not the type of man you want in your life. If you do go back with him, and he then breaks up with his other girl, how can you trust that in 5 months he won't get bored again, start roaming again and lie to you just like he's currently lying to her? Heck for all we know, he could start dating you and at the same time be calling HER three times a day because he misses her too ...

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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