Our Breakup was Sudden - I Want Him Back
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I miss and want my lover back if at all possible. I am willing to make changes if I only knew what the problem is.
It's been over a year since we had a 'falling out' and our break-up still confuses me. Everything seemed to be progressing nicely, then..the communication and respect stopped literally overnight ...its been distant ever since. The reason has remained unspoken and when I 'backtrack' on what had occured, the reasons still eludes me. Maybe I don't want to face it? He's scared? Bored him to death? Someone said something to discourage him? My lover enjoyed the 'chase' and I fell hard and too easily to be much of a 'challenge'.
He keeps telling me we 'need to talk', but, it never happens...I 'force' communication between via email or occasional phone calls because i can't seem to let go completely and need some answers. There is hurt on both sides and most of it is misunderstandings-noone ever tried to actively hurt the other. I know in my heart that we are good people, but scared. I'm afraid to say what I feel because I don't want to burn my bridges with him and make him think i'm 'not nice' and I feel he does care for me but, terrified of committment, ect...sees me as formidable and is running fast away- someone must have burned him once upon a time- badly and if that's so i want to be the one who makes it possible to trust again. I truly love this man and don't want to cause him any pain AND YET I AM! by hanging on because i am weak and still hope- He has not ended our communication. if there were a finality to it all, instead of it hanging in air, confused, ...if only i could get justifiably angry, but, can't seem to work up anything but tears and eating binges.
Limbo is an awful thing.
The hard part is that we work together from time to time. I still get excited and 'shaky' when I see him-and, sometimes I turn down jobs because I just don't feel 'strong' enough to see him.
Please don't advise me to travel, get a new hobby, change my looks, ect. because I read your columns and it's all been done, i have a buff bod, a blossoming career and plenty of pals-all of whom know my Ex. AND a sad heart.
I would never ever tell you to change your looks!! Whose column were you reading here?? I always tell people to be themselves, because that is the most important thing in life. You always want to find someone who loves you for what you are.
He claims he wants to talk, and you are baffled about why you broke up. So call him on the phone and invite him to dinner. Tell him you are taking up his suggestion to talk. You have to take a stand here, and get the talking situation set up.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com