We Flirt but I Want More
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I am a 19 year old guy. I work at my college rec center, and have worked there for about 8 months. I am shy, but am working on it. I am also a little overweight but i am really working hard on that too. There is this 19 year old girl I work with who I like very, very, much.(note: she is a tom boy and has a lot of guy friends she hangs out with. she is athletic thus i feel my weight is a factor). We are sort of friends (i have heard from her friend she considers me one), talking to each other, joking etc when we work together (only twice a week, making it difficult to get closer to her). She is a very sweet, kind-hearted girl who is also a bit flirty and "huggy" in general. I have seen her hug and flirt other guys who work there (guys she knows, not all the guys) but i think i might be different. Sometimes she flirts with me, doing things like playfully pressing up against me, hugging me, and once hugging me while slowly running her hands along my stomach/sides. Other times she slowly rocks back and forth while giving hugs. I have also noticed that when i am talking to someone (anyone really, friends in particular)that she stares at me while i'm talking (possibly to read me?). Other guys i have asked there tell me she has not done some of those things with them. I have bought her small, sweet, birthday and christmas gifts, as a hint of my feelings, and it went well. I am positive she already knows i like her, and that she has known for some time. She is a girl who would rather be friends before dating and so am i. We do not hang out outside of work and just see each other at work. We share mutual friends and the possibility of hanging out as a group is there, in fact it almost happned a few times but i never called her as i was nervous (my other friends did not call her either so i guess everyone was busy). I know she knows i like her, and i continue to visit her when she is working, because i want to see her. She seems to like the visits or else she is a good actor. My dillema is that I want to be better friends with her so i can ask her out. More importantly i am still not sure if her flirting is because she likes me or if she does it because she is being herself. She has not said anything either way regarding my feelings, it has not come up at all. Correct me if i'm wrong but if a girl is liked by someone she does not like back, after a certain amount of time, would she not tell him that she did not feel that way and wanted to be friends? She has not been flirting recently, but we still talk at work. However i think i may have missed my shot by not calling to hang out and i did not really flirt back a lot (i.e. on my own, without her intiating it)because i get so stupid and nervous around her. In fact i have never actually called her but do send her text messages and she replies (then again we are not good friends and calling her would be awkward). I like this girl so much but seem to keep blowing my shots (perhaps because i am not physically flirting, like me comming up to her and hugging her first, she has lost interst?) . Is it a bad sign that we are "friends" but do not hang out on weekends? My friends tell me the guy usually has to intiate these things. They have said i should "turn the tables" and i should do the flirting, saying that judging from her reaction i should have my anwser on her true feelings about me. Is this true? How can i get closer to her? I have never liked a girl this much before and really, really, do not want to blow this. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated! p.s. i apoligize for this letters' lenghth but i thought you should have the whole story before making a decision.
She's flirting with you - flirt with her! Surely you can't make her do all the work here. It's time for you to start flirting up a storm and even invite her to a movie or two or three ...
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com