I Moved In - Things Changed
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months and we currently have moved in with one another. Everything has been going great except lately he's been acting very different. He's not mean or pushy, he's not completely avoiding me, but he's basically not being the sweet guy that he used to be. We've had our moments of jealousy and are still trying to work to out. Can this be the cause of his standoffish-ness?
He used to do many sweet things, notes and writing on my mirrors, now he just says "have a good one, love ya" and walks out. He doesn't compliment me, doesn't talk about our future anymore. Now he says, "If we break up..." or "I would never kick you out if we broke up..." This is hurting me not only in our relationship but also in my own personal lifestyle, work, school, career. It's starting to really get me down because I can not seem to make him happy. It just happened one day that he didn't seem like the guy that I had grown to love. Is this relationship "fixable" or is it time to step aside (move out) and get on with my life?
It's important to realize that all relationships change over time and that the hot-and-heavy new love lust doesn't last. It's not meant to. That's why moving in together is actually a great stage for people to go through BEFORE they get married, so they know if they were meant to be a pair or not.
It may be that he's not coping well with that change, maybe he hasn't been in a long term relationship before?
Sit down and have a long, serious talk with him. I have a lot of advice on the site about how to do this. Tell him you're in this for the long haul and that it's normal for emotions to "settle down" once people are comfortable together. Tell him that is OK. Then, ask him what main issue he feels you two can work on together to make things better. When he tells you, don't argue or deny it even if you don't agree. This is his issue and if he feels that way, then that's how he feels. Tell him that you're sorry he feels that way and that you will help him with the feeling. Talk together about ways that you can improve the situation. Sometimes just talking about it helps a ton. Work on it for 2 weeks and really find ways to show progress to him. Then sit down again and suggest something that YOU want to improve - for example kisses goodbye instead of just a wave.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com