Dealing with a Lack of Libido

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Im 25 years old. My girlfriend(same age) and I have been together for 10 years. I love her dearly. There is only one problem. She no longer has any interest in the physical aspect of our relationship. As a result I feel myself growing distant from her and looking at other women. Im not hard to please.. I would be happy making love once or twice a month, but I cant seem to get her to do even that. We havent been intimate in several months. Honestly I cant remember the last time we were together. Sex used to be great. She tells me she loves me, but when she constantly ignores my advances I get confused. I have tried to disscuss it on numerous ocassions but nothing changes. I do everything I can for her but nothing seems to light her fire. I thought tonight would have been perfect it was raining all day and its freezing out... I ordered some chinese and got her favorite bottle of wine, lit the fire place.. Dinner was nice and afterwards I offered to give her a back rub and foot massage.. she declined my offer.. I put on some Marvin Gaye as cute joke and she still didnt get it. She went to bed. I cant take it anymore. Should I leave her?

- Another lonely night online.
- Another night in front of the Computer. Advice
Well first, I think you're being very understanding and reasonable about all of this. Yes, peoples sexual needs tend to change as they are together for a while, and couples that start with sex four times a day tend to migrate into sex once or twice a week, or even less. We all have our own personal rhythms and it's a matter of finding a compromise between whatever your two personal rhythms are.

However, whatever your rhythms are, sex is still an important part of every relationship, to maintain the intimacy and contact. It releases all sorts of hormones and draws you together and releases stress and so on. So especially if one of you still enjoys sex, and the other continually shuns it, it causes a *serious* problem in a relationship. As you've found.

I thought about this a lot and ended up with way too much material to email :) So I've put a page up on FlirtingClass with the details -

and included links to other news articles on the topic. In essence, it's real, it's usually caused by some underlying issue, and the issue can be resolved if you just talk to a doctor or therapist (depending on the kind of issue). Please read through the notes and then plan a long talk with her, to get started in the resolution.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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