Separating a While at 19

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
My girlfriend, whom I love very much, and I just recently broke up after 15 months. We are still friends and she says there is still a chance we can get back together. When we first broke up, she said that it was temporary, she just wanted to be single for a little, while she was still young (19). What can I do to get her back. We are still close as friends. She sometimes tells me things that she doenst tell anyone else. I know she has her parents divorce and bad grades that may cause her to lose the HOPE scholarship. Do you think this has anything to do with our breakup. What can I do in order to show her I still love her and care about her, and to make her see how much she really loves me? Advice
First, this is a really common thing for people in serious relationships under 25 to feel. And believe me, the people who leap into marriage at that age often regret 'losing their wild youth' later which causes them to either divorce or to get a little wild in their marriage. So it's best, if she's feeling like she wants to kick loose a bit, to let her. If she gets it out of her system now, it won't eat away at her later on, that she "missed something". You are indeed only young once.

However, her being young and having fun doesn't mean that you two lose each other. A relationship is about being best friends, being there for each other, always talking to each other. And yes it can involve love. Of course you can love her in this situation! And she probably still loves you. The other things in her life probably are affecting her too, she wants to focus on making sure her schoolwork goes well and her family life is handleable. So give her support in those areas.

Once her other life bits come together, if you're there for her, you've proven your trust. And when she gets her life together again, she'll be able to settle down with you if you two were really meant to be. You can't keep her by caging her with iron bars. But if you always provide that safety and love and comfort, then she will be able to stand beside to you after she's tested her wings a bit.

Love is supposed to be about two independent, strong, self sufficient people willingly and freely choosing to be with each other because they enjoy sharing what they have with each other. You need to let her become independent and strong, so that she can be a great partner in your relationship. If you try to keep her reliant on you and unsure about her choices, she's going to become more and more unhappy as time goes on.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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