I Cheated With Him - Now I Feel Used
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Recently I started dating my "best friend's" uhm what should I call it "boyfriend"? actually they both said they didn't have a serious relationship, that they were just fooling around although he said he considered her his girlfriend 'cause he loved her so much. Anyway, to me and to everybody they were just dating and nothing else. They started having lots of problems since her mood varied every single day making her act like a real bitch and he suffered so much because of this. She used to tell me she wasn't in love with him and all of our friends knew she was just using him.
Anyhow, I sometimes felt like there was something between us but I thought he was just flirting with me and since i thought we wouldn't become anything else, i kinda flirted back. We used to flirt for months 'til one night he and my friend had a stupid fight so he finally told me he liked me and he started asking me all these kinky questions that really surprised me. So, that night, he asked me if wanted to go to his place and i accepted. We had sex and I thought it was awesome. So, we kinda made it a habit for a whole week. He'd called me up during the night to ask me if wanted to go to his house.
At first I thought of us as sex buddies and I sorta understood his hornyness since my friend wouldn't have sex with him. So, for me it was just that but for him, according to what he used to tell me, it wasn't just hornyness he said he was falling in love with me, that I was really nice to him not like my friend that was always a bitch. So, I kinda started seeing our "thing" more as a relationship that was growing each day not only as sex. He even asked me if I wanted to move out of my house, that he wanted to live with me... all oh this happened that same week. I thought he was rushing into having something serious with me since he could get that from my friend. I just couldn't believe he was telling me all these things, I liked him but everything sounded so crazy.
Anyway, the week after that one I had big problems in my house with my family so I was actually needing to move out. So, he offered me his house. I accepted... so I moved in. That was probably my biggest mistake. I shared things with him that I had never ever shared with anyone before... intimate stuff. that's what i regret the most. We never told my friend about us... because we thought that would complicate the situation. We wanted to do everything at the right time. All of our friends knew but her. So I started getting all desperate and angry at him because he couldn't end his "relationship" with her. But he insisted he wasn't using me, that he cared for me, the he loved me and wanted to be with me and honestly he showed me all of that in all the ways he could, he treated me like a queen and helped me out during my problem but the only thing that made me doubt was that he was still with her.
One day he told me that he had spoken to her and that he told her that they needed a break. I, of course, wasn't satisfied with that. She still didn't know about us. They didn't speak for a week so he dedicated that whole week to me and i was pleased. I started seeing him as my partner and I was falling for him. 'Til one day she goes over to his house and she tells me that she had lost her virginity to him. They did it 3 days in a row... my little world started to crumble down. I got so upset I couldn't listen any other word coming out her mouth so I told her I was going to buy some cigarettes. On my way down I saw him and I told him right away. She heard us arguing and found out. He let her go and stayed with me. He swore he love me, that he didn't care about her, that that was his biggest mistake, that he was now losing the woman he loved (me) because of some stupid mistake. I got so mad I packed all my stuff up. I wanted to leave but I couldn't. I had no place to go and I thought I loved him so I forgave him that same day. He swore he wouldn't do it again, bla bla bla, yadda yadda yadda. You know.... the same old crap everyone has heard at least once.
So we carried on with our relationship. Finally, we heard my friend was really depressed because of us that she wanted to get back with him. So one day she goes over to his house while I was sleeping and tells him she couln't sleep, eat because of him. That she was *in love with him* and that she wanted to be with him. I had asked him the night before if he was still confused and he told me that he couldn't deny he loved her but there was no way in the world he would get back with her, that he loved me. So, I believed him. But he fd me up the day after when he told me they had spoken and that he was confused so he prefered not to be with either of us. I couldn't believe my ears. We argued and I basically sent him to hell. He told me not to worry about anything that he wouldn't get back with her. I told him I didn't care.
I went over to his work the day after because I wanted to clear everything up. And basically he made himself look like the victim. I was the "the bad guy" now... And all of the sudden he tells me that my friend was there and she comes in and sees us talking. I felt the negativity popping up in the air so I left.
Now they're back together. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL? I hate them both. She's so selfish. She never loved him until she found out we were together. And he's the greatest liar I've ever known. I don't know what to do. This is eating me up inside. Now I'm the one who doesn't sleep... I'm totally out of the picture. I've never felt so used before.
You knew you were doing wrong from the beginning. You slept with a guy who had a girlfriend. You let him go on lying, you even moved in with him when he was lying. Then you're suprised he's a liar?
When you get involved with someone capable of deception, you can't be surprised when you are deceived. People who deceive and lie do it for a living. They do it to everyone. They don't just do it to select certain people.
It's time to take stock of your situation, and to learn from your mistakes. You went into this with open eyes. In the future, if you are going to date someone, make sure he is single FIRST.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com