My Guy is a People Watcher

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs. We got involved the wrong way while we were both married. Now we are both divorced, but I am very jealous.

Everything in our relationship is storybook except my jealousy and the awful feeling I get in my stomach when I get jealous. I knew what he was a big flirt before, but I am not sure if it affected me the way it does now that he is to me mine. He says that he needs to flirt with women because of his sales job, social manager and oversees the pool area as assigned by himself.

If we go out to eat he looks around the room to see if he knows anyone everywhere we go, even insists on having the seat to see the people in a restaraunt (facing me in the corner). He always notices pretty women and calls every women young or old "hello Beautiful or sweetheart" He said he will talk to just as many women as men clients and may go more towards the women because he's not "gay".

To me that quote translates to he is interested in them. He tells me he is only with me and chooses me, but I feel the job should be left at the office and if we are at an event I should be the focus and he should not be watching other women. I am not sure if I am just insanely jealous or if maybe I have just picked someone that is not compatable with me.

My shrink says I need to get a higher self esteem and confidence. I'm afraid I need to just look for a man that would be satisfied with just me. Do I need confidence or what? Advice
It's good that you're going to a therapist, and they should always be the person you trust and talk to. Your therapist knows all the details of your situation and knows what you are going through. I only have a few small glimpses into your situation.

However, many people are naturally flirtatious. If you go to France, their entire culture is about constant flirtation, about smiling and laughing with people and making them feel good. It sounds like your boyfriend is very much like that. And to be honest - you dated him BECAUSE he was like that. You didn't go after a guy that hides in a corner and tries to avoid people. You went after a guy who was flirtatious. You can't chase someone because they are a certain way and then force them to change once you get them.

This guy did choose you and is with you. He also likes to flirt. You need to accept these things and trust in him. If you keep assuming that he will abandon you whenever he can, it won't work.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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