Finding a Good Match

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I find that women who seem to like me or show interest in me are never the women that i am attracted to. whereas women whom i am atrracted to i always struggle and as such fall short.

Does this mean that i am inadequate in some way or another which is why those whom i do not have much interest in are interested in me.As such what steps can i take to be able to succeed with women that i want for it now my self esteem in this area of life has gotten so bad that i feel like i have to work so hard to get a woman.What confuses me most is that i am considered handsome, mature for my age(im 21), and people and myself think that i am a nice ,polite person.

What can i do to enhance my life in regards to dating and women.I see everyone else has their gilfriend or boyfriend and i feel like i am behind time.please help me as soon as possible. Advice
You're only 21, most people are still trying to figure out what they want in life at that age :) If you're still trying out various girlfriends, it sounds like you're in that stage too. It's normal to date a lot of people before you find one that matches well with you. It's not that the people you are dating are 'bad' or that you are 'bad. There are just trillions of different types of people in the world, and you have to go through a number of them before you start to figure out what types of people mesh well with you.

Also, sit down and make a list of things that are important to you. I'm guessing, becuase you're 21, that looks are high on your list. You'll find as you get older that those become less and less important, because you'll realize that they fade over time, while things like honesty and a sense of humor only become more key. Think of all the guys that have married models, only to ditch them later on because the *relationship* failed. You have to find someone that suits you well - not just for these 30 seconds but for decades. The things that let you last for decades are communication, a pleasant attitude, a good meshing of your lifestyle. Believe me, someone who "seems" gorgeous, one they've stabbed you in the back, "looks" pretty nasty to you.

So focus on those things, the things that are really important. I think you'll find that there are girls out there that are just perfect for you, if you skip the bars and go enjoy the things you enjoy. The women who enjoy those same things will be there too.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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