I'm Jealous about my Boyfriend's Ex
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have a boyfriend that I have been with for about six months. He has a little boy with his ex. Anyways every time that my boyfriend calls his son, she always answers the phone and talks to my boyfriend for a minute before he can talk to his son. I already know that she wants my boyfriend back. He told me about a month ago that three days after we started going out she called him and asked him if he wanted to come over and have sex with her. He told me that when she asked him that he said I am not like that anymore and that he was with me.
I know I should not be jealous, but how can I not be if she is going to prance around every time we go down to get his son for a week. I just feel like he would go back to her because they have a son together. I also feel like she is better looking than me. I just have this hate that builds up inside of me and I just want to kill her when she comes around.
My b/f tells me if he wanted her than he would be with her. He tells me that he loves me and I am the only person he wants to be with, but a part of me believes that he wants her, maybe it's just the jealousy. Please help me overcome this jealousy? PLEASE!!!
Just about every person we date is going to have an ex. That's the way of life, unless you make it a habit to date only virgins :). Which comes with its own set of problems. So there are always going to be exs around. But you need to remember that there is a REASON they are an ex. If you start to obsess about all the exs that exist in the world you will spend all your time worrying about them instead of concentrating on your own life!
Yes, he has a kid with her. Heck, the parental breakup rate is so high that this is a rather normal situation. You should feel sorry for her that she screwed up so badly that she lost him. People don't break up just over slight problems. It was rather serious with them.
Remember, you love this guy. If you drive him away with jealousy or with your hatred of his son's mother, you are going to be the one sad. So you have to learn to accept her. Undoubtedly sometime soon she will move on and find a new guy. That's what people tend to do. And you guys are all going to have to go to school events and parties and who knows, weddings and such all together. It has got to be your mission in life to get along with her for because of your love for your boyfriend and his son. I have advice on jealousy here -
but the more that you accept her as a part of your "extended family", the smoother everything will become.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com