We Can't Date - Relationship Problems
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
i was with my girlfriend for only two weeks yet it seems like i've known her for a long time. i have been "together" with her though for 2 months. just yesterday we decided to break up because things became too complicated and i'll tell you why...i am her brothers teammate on my hockey team and me and him are good friends. thats how me and her met. our moms are friends and hang out at our games and tournaments. since we are a travel team we see eachother often. one problem is her religion does not allow her to have a boyfriend until she is 18 shhhh! her mom thinks i am such a sweet guy but we had to keep it a secret all this time and it became very stressful. we did love eachother, at least we think we did. but the fact that i could not call my own girlfriend when i wished to and the only times i would see her is on the weekends at my games and when we go away on tournaments. we thought we could make it work and no matter how many times i said it would i knew deep down it wouldn't.
the other night we were at a game in NYC. we were all alone in the skybox doing our little thing. as i was leaving to get ready for the game, her dad was just coming in so basically he knew what was going on. he didnt say anything, but it made me feel uncomfortable and yet i didnt want to tell my girlfriend this.
ironically the next day she says to me "i thought i was over my ex boyfriend but i am not, i care about u both too much to date either one of u right now." so we decided it would be best to break it off. i am 17 and she is 16. i am going to college next year while she would still be in high school. so factoring these decisions into everything, we decided it would be best.
my friends tell me i did the right thing and that i am lucky because me and my ex decided that we want to stay best friends, like hang out, tell eachother everything and even cuddle if we wish. this would allow me to not feel uncomfortable being around her and at the rink when her parents are there. my teammates know we were dating and her brother had no problem with us dating. we said it is ok for her to explore her feelings with her ex bf and me with other girls.
what do u think? i am lucky to have her as my best friend because i never have had one like this as a girl. but i feel i am only 17 i should be able to have a girlfriend i can bring home to mom and dad, there were just too many complications right??? it was just very difficult keeping quiet about a girl i love, and it was more tough about breaking it off with someone so compatible to me. did we do the right thing???
If she is really not over an ex, then it is a good thing not to date. People who date should always be focussed on that person they're dating, not thinking about running off with someone else at the same time. That all being said, if two people are really happy together, then they should work on the relationship. They shouldn't be worried about titles or showing each other off or anything else. You don't have to "date" to be together and love each other. If her parents don't want her to date, that probably means they don't want her to be intimate with anybody. Surely you two can be together and agree to that?
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com