My Girlfriend found an Online Love

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was with my girlfriend for 6 months,and we were engaged. Everything was great up until a month ago.I noticed that she was acting weird,and that the answering machine was turned off.(My name was on the machine)About 2 days later the phone rang,and she quickly jumped over me to get it.She answered the phone and from a few feet away I heard a man's voice.I asked her who it was,and she said it was her mom.I knew it wasnt her mom,so I waited a few minutes and asked her again.She started to cry and said it was some guy she had met online.

She said she didn't have bad intentions,but since then I found out that she went out to dinner and had lied to me and said she was going out with her mom.She says she loves me,and I love her but I don't know what to do.Please help. Advice
Wow, it must be the season for this or something, I've gotten three messages about this sort of thing all in a batch.

First, it is VERY bad that she lied to you. The basis of any relationship should be trust and honesty. The only reason you found out about it is that you caught her at it. She should not be lying to you!! Hopefully you can get that through to her so that she doesn't ever lie in the future. She has to REALLY understand it, not just say "Yeah I'm sorry I was caught." If she can't even be honest about meeting someone she likes on the web, what happens when other more serious situations come up? Either you commit to someone, or you don't.

Second, it sounds like she's in the classic old love boring - new love exciting situation. Rather than repeat myself, go back to in the advice area and look at

The old boring love and the new exciting love

I just wrote a long response on that topic. Also read, in the how-to area,

Going from On Line to Real Life

Those are exactly the things she's going through. She's caught up in the 'rush' of a new love' She thinks he's cool and great, and I lay out in those 2 articles exactly why she's wrong. And if she's going to be the type of person that ditches someone 'old' for someone 'new and fun', she's going to be ditching people her entire life. Because there is ALWAYS someone more fun, someone more handsome. Either you become mature and make a commitment to someone and have a lasting, loving relationship, or you go into this 'jump for the new fun guy!' game and end up alone and used.

Good luck with it, it sounds like she really wasn't mature enough to get engaged yet ... lying to your finace because you have a 'cool guy' on line is just not a good sign of maturity in a relationship. Maybe she'll grow up quickly, but she's the one that has to realize how serious her mistakes were, and *why* they were mistakes.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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