We Lept Into Things - Now What?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I just started dating this man a week ago, & everything seems to be going so fast. It seems as if we been together for months & i am liking him so much, & he says the same & he also treats me as if he likes me alot. He introduced me to all his family & friends as his girl (his wifey) as he say. i hate the fact that when we not together i think about him like crazy.
Anyway the only problem is that he has 2 baby mothers, the 1st he has 3 kids by, & the 2nd he has 1 & a possibility on the way she is 8 mths. I have a baby girl from a previous relationship. Her father is deeply in her life, i'm not looking for anyone to replace her father. He seems to be so attached to her & that makes me like him more.
I did something i know i shouldn't of done which is have sex with him. Only thing is the condom broke & it let loose in me. so i told him i was going 2 take the morning after pill just in case & he got mad & told me i better not. I know he was mad bcause everytime he gets mad his eyes turns gray.
My problem is i'm scared that he might leave me & go back to his 1st baby mother - they were together 4 6 years off & on. Even though all the things he does makes me feel he wants to be with me. By me having sex with him so soon, how will i know the difference between him sticking around cause he wants to be with me turns into him just sticking around for the sex? Do you think i should see how long it will last and just work with it?, or just let it go?
It sounds like you guys are definitely deep in lust here. That whirlwind feeling of "everything is perfect!!" is very common at the beginning of a relationship while the hormones have taken control of your mind :) The signs of real love only emerge after several months together, when you know each other up and down and sideways and really accept their bad sides as well as their good sides.
This guy already has 5 kids to take care of - and when you had the possibility of getting pregnant he got ANGRY at you for worrying about the possibilities? When you'd only known him a week? That's a bit out of line. Just how much is he caring for the 5 he already has responsibility for? He's left the mothers apparently - is he providing support and visitations for his kids? If not, that doesn't say much for how well he will take care of any future children. He seems to love the chase and adventure of new love, and the ability to populate the world with his children. But he doesn't seem to have a desire for the long term maintenance required for a real relationship.
I would definitely take things slow here. If it was meant to be between you two, then going slowly will only make it stronger. But if he really is a love-them-and-leave-them sort of guy, you don't want to be yet another broken heart left behind.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com