He Blames Me for his Lack of Libido
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My husband and I are having problems he takes every opertunity to watch pornograpy but then refuses to make love to me. I always try to talk to him about it but he always has all these excuses for example he told me He was not atracted to me anymore but then said that was not true he was just mad I brought up the subject. Then he says he is bored that I dont't do enough for him sexually.
My question is, Is this my fault or does he have other issues?
Good god, you are his wife, not his prostitute. It's not your job in life to take care of his failing libido!! Men lose their sexual prowess as they age. Just look at all the ads for viagra on TV. It's a normal part of life. Sure, if he watches pornography he'll get a jolt of adrenaline. But it wears off. So what is he going to do, keep buying more and more porn video and neglecting you instead?
The whole point of a long term relationship is that you both work to keep it active and interesting. That's why there are so many sales of lingerie and sex toys and everything else. But it's not YOUR job to interest HIM. It is BOTH of your job to keep the relationship interesting. Just what has he done lately to romance YOU? Has he been lighting candles and singing to you and being romantic? Has he done any work at all to get you in the mood? No, it sounds like he is off using up what little energy he does have left on porn videos and leaving you out in the cold. So he is neglecting you and then blaming you for it.
I'd really get him into therapy if he is blaming his aging on you. He's the one who is getting older here and is less able to (ahem) get it up. If he can't accept that and use that energy he still DOES have on you, he's being rather selfish.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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