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A Love Quote
Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. --Jean Anouilh



My Ex was Broken Hearted, Can I Get him Back?



Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I dated my ex last year for 4 months. He always had issues with trust, as he was abandoned by a parent at a young age. I lied to him about carrying on a previous long-distance relationship, and on the night him and I were to discuss our relationship, he started acting childish so I chose the LDR.

We were going to get back together, but due to outside interferences from mutual friends (telling him fallacies) we did not, and he started to be awfully mean to me and quickly took up a new girlfried.

I realize it was a mistake and I truly cared. After 8 months of fighting, out of nowhere, he decided he didn't hate me anymore, and now we speak and have had a few *incidents*

I really want him back but I don't think I have a chance. What do you think? Why would a guy go back to a girl who "broke his heart" (as I believe I may have) for a little bit of fun?




RomanceClass.com Advice
This sounds almost exactly like a previous question, so I'll give the same answer. Maybe there's just a rash of guy-betraying going on this week!

Love and hate are never cut and dried. The only way someone can hate you is if they really cared what you thought in the first place. You don't hate a random stranger in the street. You hate someone that you trusted and who violated that trust. But you had loved them in the first place, and some of that love is still in there. And there could also be some of the "She caused me huge pain - I am going to get her back" in there too. So undoubtedly he is very confused. He loved you. You betrayed him. He wishes you didn't and feels the pain you caused. But the things that attracted him to you in the first place still attract him to you.

If you do care for him and really want to get back together with him, you need to make it VERY clear how much you have learned, changed, and matured since your bad decision. You need to show and tell him that you really regret what you did and learned your lesson. We're all human. We all do some really stupid things in life, and we learn. Kids eat crisco vegetable shortening. They learn that it tastes awful and they don't try that again. You thought you could have two guys at once and lie to at least one of them. You learned how violating the trust of a relationship can destroy it more surely than anything else.

If he sees that you really are a new, stronger person now and have learned your lesson, he might begin to trust you again. It's going to take quite a while - you really caused him the most serious pain that COULD be given to someone. You violated his trust when he opened his heart to you. But if you do take the time and energy to show him you're truly sorry, and have learned a valuable lesson, he may take you back again.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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