My Ex Hooked Up with my Roommate

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Person
I dated this guy for about 6 months, and I broke it off because I could not handle a long distance relationship. We have been close friends ever since.

Over the holidays, my roommate and I went to see him in North Carolina to get away from things in Indiana. Well to make a long story short, they ended up hooking up and are now dating. I know that I would not dated him again, but I am furious with both of them because they did this all behind my back and lied to me about it. When I confronted them, they said they did not want to hurt me.

I told them I did not mind them dating, but I totally lost trust in my friends for how they went about it. I keep telling myself that I am over it, but I still find myself venting over the situation. Am I being selfish or do I have a valid reason to be upset. I do not want this to ruin our relationships, but I think it is going to happen. What do I do? Advice
It is REALLY common for friends of friends to end up hooking up. You all like the same things, you have natural interests in common. Then you are spending time together so these are the people you get to know. It's also really common for people to be really unsure about how these new relationships are going to affect friends. It's not like they go PLUNK from just meeting to fully in love. They start to feel fond. They worry that this is a bad idea and fight it and hide their feelings. Then they keep hiding the feelings and feeling them more strongly and by the time they give in they've been hiding it for so long that they want to not say anything until they are *really* sure this is worth causing trouble over.

I think you should give them another chance. They really were worried about hurting you. If you think about it from their point of view, just when should they have announced to you that they were liking each other? When they first got a hint that they thought each other were 'cool'? What if that feeling passed? It's always hard to guess, when you're in the middle of something, when the "right moment" is. It's hard enough to know when to tell the *other person* that you are feeling something, never mind telling a third party ...

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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