My Boyfriend is my Only Happiness

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I dated my boyfriend off and on since I was 14 or so. I have been through alot of heartbreaking situations such as rape and the still continued misguided parents.

I am 20 now, my boyfriend and I have been living together this past year. He means the world to me, he's been my only friend and my salvation. He is the only link to happiness I have ever known.

Recently he has been so unhappy and decided that it would be best if he moved away to get a better job and to help get his life finally going somewhere. He promised me as soon as he finds a good job and money saved up he will come back and get me so we can get a nice place together and get married.

The night before he left he said that if I meet somone while he was gone to promise to go for it that it wouldn't hurt him. I am so lost I feel like all he wanted to do was get away from his obligations and all his pretty promises, and of course me.

How can I deal with this separation, and is this his way of letting me go gently? I am hurting so bad, I feel like I can't breathe. Every time I look at his picture or somthing of his I burst into tears. I can not sleep, or even leave the house. I set by the phone praying it will be him. Help me please! Advice
It does sound like you've been through a lot, and it sounds like you put all of your hopes, fears and dreams into this one guy. That is a huge burden for ANY human to have to bear. Your boyfriend should never be WHY you are happy. He should be someone you share your happiness WITH. But if you are making him "bring you happiness" and are miserable without him, that's a lot of weight for anyone to carry.

It also sounds like he was unhappy for some reason. He felt his life was not going anywhere? But he had a job and you and a place to live. Lots of people are married without "great jobs". Lots of people are married without "fancy homes". So you need to ask yourself, just what did he think was NOT right yet? Why wasn't this something you two could work on together? Relationships are about facing and solving problems together, not about running off to find a solution alone.

It's not even like he went away FOR a good job. He went away to FIND a good job. Is there a reason you couldn't go with him? Is there a reason he couldn't look where he was now?

In any case, the only way you two will be happy together is if you are both happy as PEOPLE in the first place. It sounds like neither of you were happy together. So this might be a really important stage for you BOTH to go through. yes you miss him. But you should be able to be happy without him there *making* you happy. Spend time with your friends, spend time with your family. Find hobbies you enjoy doing. Get involved in sports. Find things you enjoy doing on your own. It is a really, really critical life lesson to be able to be happy on your own. If you are, then you can have a really great relationship when you share that happiness with someone else. But if you are just miserable being on your own, then you bring a lot of burden into the relationship.

I know it'll be hard, but look at this time as a time to learn a valuable lesson. Yes, enjoy talking to him. But enjoy the time you have without him to build up your life. You'll find that when you two get back together, it will make your entire relationship much stronger.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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