Should I See the Ex that I Dream About?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex-boyfriend from 7 years ago has recently moved back into town and has been asking my friends about me. He is the guy that I never stopped thinking about and have had dreams about at least once a month since we broke up. We dated intensely for three years in college, but broke up because he couldn't commit at that young age.
I am now happily married (3 years) and love my husband very much. But I've never stopped thinking of my ex. He wants to get together and catch up, but I know he wants me back or at least has thought about me as much as I have thought about him over the years.
Should I meet him for coffee, or am I playing with fire? I would never want to jeopardize what I have with my husband, but I am obsessed thinking about my ex too. I never had closure with him, we just stopped talking after college and I moved on. Do I just need closure? What should I do?
I think this falls squarely into the playing with fire category. So many affairs being quite simply like this. It's a guy you used to care about, and you figure you'll just be friends with him. You have fun with him. You really connect! And soon you're seeing movies with him, and having dinner with him. And you keep saying "we're just friends, it's OK". And then one night while you watch a romantic movie together you hold hands, or kiss, or something else. And there was no real "crossing point" where it went from bad to worse. It just sort of progressed along until it destroyed your marriage.
Part of being in a relationship is knowing when to hold off a threatening situation. It's fine for women to have male friends and visa versa. But there are SOME individuals that you know are much more than that. If you then put yourself into a situation where you can grow intimate with them, you are in essence allowing yourself to cheat. Yes, it's easy to build up fantasies about those old lovers. But you need to leave those fantasies in the past. If you start to bring those fantasies into your current life, you are inviting in disaster.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com