I Hate Watching Movies that Involve Intimacy
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
well,i feel like no-one else has this problem, it stems from jealousy which stems from everything else but i cant go to the cinema with my bf in case women start stripping off,it makes me boil with anger that i have to sit there whilst someone else turns my bf on, it makes me feel sick with anger.
i hate the thought of him going on porn, he says he doesnt and i do believe him but theres porn in films and everything in this world is aimed at men to turn them on. i wouldnt mind if it was just a little bit more even, i feel like clapping when i see men taking there clothes off not cos im aroused but cos its fair then.
its started to effect me over the past 2 years properly, it happened in my last relationship properly last year + now i dont like the cinema, i only go to see pg's and now i cant even watch sex on my own, not that i enjoyed it before it just didnt bother me b4. i can watch sex in the city and that is about it.
its getting worse,i dont buy magazines-they have more naked women in than men,even though they are womens magazines. i feel like the world is trying to turn me into a lesbian and everyone seems to be ok with this attitude to women, that they are just sex objects,i feel like no-one feels like this.
i dont know what to do, i cant watch films with my mates or on my own, they all have sex scenes and i get angry when my bf goes to watch films.
also he's got this best friend, i've met her but dont really like or trust women, they seem to hate me and turn on me, i have enough trouble controlling my own hormones without other womens getting in my life so i have only one female friends and shes lives miles away but feels similar to me.
anyway,i asked my bf loads of questions and he said he loves her, thinks shes pretty and if im gonna make him choose he will choose her (i would never make him choose and he came out with that himself)
i feel like although i trust him, i think he has more respect for her cos of loads of other stuff-he just licks her arse, i cant help thinking that he must have once fancied her - i dont beleive men+women can just be friends. he tries so hard to please people and they walk all over him.
anyway could go on +on, im getting counselling soon for my jealousy because it's not only ruining probably the best relationship i've had but its hurting me quite badly. just wanted to tell people in case they feel the same.
I'm very happy to hear that you're going to a therapist to handle these strong feelings you are experiencing. The human body is a NATURAL part of life and should not be something that you feel threatened by! But it seems very much that you are in constant fear that if your boyfriend even glimpses another woman's body that he will instantly want to run off with her. You want to put blinders on him so he cannot be ever swayed by any other woman.
Relationships are founded on trust and honesty. Your boyfriend should stay with you because he WANTS to. Not because you have forced him to. You shouldn't trust your boyfriend so little that you suspect him of running off with the first woman he sees other than you.
Womens magazines have nothing to do with "turning people into lesbians" (if that was even possible)! They are showing women what THEY can look like if they use certain cosmetics and hair styles and clothing. They are showing YOU how you can look. When you look at a Vogue cover, most women think, "Wow, I really like that dress, it would make ME look sexy too". Most women do not think, "Wow, I am sexually aroused by that woman." The point is that women want to LOOK like those models :)
If you don't want to look at magazines with sexy woman or watch movies with sexy women, that's of course your choice. There are certainly, for example, Islamic women who live in a society where women wear robes from head to toe and never consider sexy clothing. But you will need to find a man who also has this attitude towards clothing if it's going to work.
Anyway, hopefully your therapist can help you work through your concerns.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com