I'm Quite Jealous - It's Ruining Our Relationship
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have been in a relation with a guy for more than 4 years now. we love each other alot.He according to girls, is a heart throb. which is seen also. we stay with our families abroad. He visits his country every year (we both are of the same nationality). He has got a girl there. He tells me about her. He tells me that she is just a friend. But i know it's more than that. Because that girl is a friend of my boyfriends cousin sister. And when his sis comes to visit she tells how much that girl loves him and how she waits for him to visit during the vacation.
I am very jealous about the fact that other girls talks to him, especially this girl. You can say i am possessive about him. I know its not good but i cant help it. I really love him a lot. Most of the time we are together he either gets a call from a girl and goes off to a distance to talk with her. He says the caller was his friends gf.
I do trust him but i cant help feeling jealous. He gets mail from girls all the time calling him honey and darling, etc. We can't spend much time together because of studies, and most of the time we talk over the phone we get into an arguement about that girl or something else.
I am insanely possessive about him and love him very much. I know the relation will end someday not because of this but because he is my relative and we wont end up together. But even after knowing all that i love him just the same and more each day.
Please tell me what should i do about my decreasing jealousy and possessiveness?
OK let me start with last things first. Lots of cousins end up marrying, that is why they're called "kissing cousins". So unless this guy is your brother, that shouldn't be a problem. So don't create problems for your relationship where none exist. If you guys do love each other, you can be together.
Now, as to your jealousy. You claim you can't do anything about it. But the jealous is INSIDE YOUR BRAIN. You CAN control your brain! That's like a 6 year old saying "I must eat chocolate every 4 hours - I can't control it". Of course they can, but they haven't learned HOW yet. It is up to you to learn to skills to manage your jealousy and to do this SERIOUSLY and do it SOON. If you do not learn these skills, you will destroy a relationship which could be the greatest in your life.
I have a whole how-to on overcoming jealousy -
it takes time and effort. But it CAN be done. The ONLY person who can do this task is you. Your guy is a flirt. He's not going to change. And if he honestly is just flirting with these girls and isn't off seeing them, then it is something you need to learn to live with. Every one of us has male and female friends. It is a normal, healthy part of life. If you make him choose between you or having any female friends, that isn't right.
So work on the course, make it a priority in your life. You can overcome your jealousy - and make your relationship with this guy MUCH much better.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com