She's On the Rebound
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I have been pretty good friends with a girl at work for about 4 or 5 months. We talk on the phone outside of work, sms each other, and also play tennis every week or so.
The problem is, 6 months ago she came out of a long-term relationship.. she is 27 (Im 32) and has been in long-term relationships all her life. I UNFORTUNATELY made the STUPID mistake of telling her I really liked her, and prior to this I kissed her briefly on the lips, which resulted in her not communicating with me for days. However, leading up to this, we spent a day together having lunch and chatting, and had been out another few times (although she says they were not "dates!")
When I told her I really liked her she responded by saying she is not looking for "that", and that she needs to be free. Many people at work, and many friends think we are dating even though we are not... because she always seems "interested" when around me.. focusses all attention om me, usually. She tells me "were just good friends", and that she wants to continue a "platonic relationship"... and has also reiterated several times that she needs to be unattached, that the work situation bothers her and that she cant get into a relationship again in the forseeable future, etc. etc.
I really really really like this girl. Is there anything to do to salvage the damage I have caused by telling her I really like her? I knew it was wrong, but couldnt help myself as she had said something about "picking up a guy" last time we were out with workmates. Im having trouble figuring out what is going on here!!! CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE????!!!
Heck, we all make mistakes in life and as far as mistakes go, telling someone you like that you DO like them is hardly a mistake at all!! There are millions of guys out there who wish they had at least said something, after losing a girl they really liked. It's always far better to tell someone the truth and deal with the results than to hide the truth and worry for the rest of your life that you should have spoken up.
She is still in rebound and she can easily rebound for a year or more. You have to give her time! Trying to get her into something serious or to make decisions right now would be a bad idea. Be her friend, hang out with her, spend time with her. Don't pressure her. When she's ready she'll be ready. But if you push her while she's in rebound, she'll never be happy with the relationship. She'll always think she "got involved again too soon" and/or that she got together with you just as a way not to be alone. You need to give her time to get over the other guy, get through her "I'm freeeeeee!" stage and to actually be ready to start something new and serious.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com