Priorities in Relationships

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Me and my boyfriend started off as friends. We got together and things couldnt be any more perfect. When school started up again slowly we didnt see each other as much. Plus he comes from a large family so they needed him around more.

I was like so far down the "priority pole" it was annoying, but that is what he had to do. So we got into arguing. and so H decides that he wants to split up cause he isnt making me happy. H said that he feels as though we are together i should have all this attention, but since he cant give it to me he'd rather be friends again and make me happy that way.

im like ugh ok... He says that he rather do it whole heartedly than half way cause i deserve it...that was like 4 days ago, since he has done all the things i asked from him b4 like hanging out, paying me attention all that. but why now....

i want him back but i dont know what to do, and even if we dont get right back together its not fair that i have to wait around, but then i dont know how to act around him. true we are friends, but i dont want to watch his love for me disappear into....we are great friends status you know....HELP Advice
He's paying attention to you right now because he feels badly that you're sad. But he has a busy life and part of being in a relationship is maintaining ALL of your life, not becoming obsessed with each other. Yes, he should spend some time with you. But he shouldn't have to spend ALL of his time with you. So it should be something for you guys to discuss - not to argue about. There should have been a way to compromise for you to get enough attention and him to do the things he had to do. If there wasn't a mix, because you wanted more time than he had to give, then he was quite right to break up with you.

If you want him back, then will you be content with the time he has available? You really need to be honest here. To want him to "change for you" is not right at all. Either you accept him the way he is now, with what he has to give now, or you keep him as a friend.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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